Mmmm, mmmm good!

I watched Dear Frankie tonight and was reminded of how much I enjoy Gerard Butler. Let me rephrase that . . . I was reminded of how much I enjoy looking at Gerard Butler. I think that you will enjoy looking at him as well, so here you go:





This, however, is not my favorite look of his:


Doesn't he have exceedingly white teeth for portraying someone in 480 BC! I'm pretty sure Crest Whitestrips hadn't been invented yet. Although my Humanities professor always used to say "It all goes back to the Greeks," so maybe they did have teeth bleaching. Who knows. :)

I'm so proud of myself

My family was all out of the house yesterday so I decided it would be the perfect day to do a big batch of freezer cooking. I made fourteen quiches in six different flavors, a big batch of hamburger that I turned in to sloppy joes, taco meat, and then bagged some up plain, a huge batch of BBQ pork, and I roasted my own garlic. Plus, when I did the hamburger, instead of cooking it in a frying pan like I normally would, I boiled it. It sounds kinda gross, but it worked out really well. The best part about it is that now I have a pot of great beef broth. I took a few pictures that I'll post later. Oh, and I almost forgot-this isn't freezer cooking, but I also dehydrated strawberries and made dehydrated yogurt drops. Today after church I think I'm going to do more. I'm trying to incorporate beans into our diet because they're so good for you and they're cheap, but I don't like the ones from the can. Even after I rinse them off they're still too salty and I don't like the texture. Instead I like to soak and cook dry beans, and then stick them in the freezer for later. I'm going to do lentils, black beans, great northern, anasazi (My personal favorite. If you've never had this kind, you have to try them. I've only been able to find them in the bulk bins at the health food store, though.) and black-eyed peas. I'm also going to dry celery, sweet potatoes and more yogurt, and I have a ton of chicken to stick in the crockpots, plus I'm going to make up a bunch of wontons to stick in the freezer. I also want to try making a sourdough starter. I love sourdough bread (the more sour, the better), and I've got all this yummy roasted garlic that would taste great on it. I think it takes three or four days before it's ready to use though. So anyway . . . that's what I'm doing all weekend. If you can't tell, I LOVE to cook. I'm not so much into baking though. I don't like to use recipes, or if I do, I like to change them, and I don't feel like I can do that very much with baking. You can change the extras in cookies, but you still have to have that basic cookie recipe, and I'm too scared to play around with that. If I have extra time tonight I might possibly do some pumpkin bread and cookie dough. My brother likes to microwave chunks of frozen cookie dough, one blob at a time, so it'll be nice for him to have more flavors than just chocolate chip. I might be too tired though. I'll let you know how it all goes, and I'll try to post some pics of my adventures.

Another one

Sorry, Wendy, I forgot to do your tag thing last week. Here you go:

10 years ago:
I was in the living hell that we call high school.

5 things on my to-do list:
1. Finish my Independent Study.
2. Pay my tuition.
3. Clean out my car.
4. Get my windshield replaced for the second time in six months.
5. Get my mom a birthday present.

5 places I have lived:
I'll just do the places in the last four years:
1. Orem, UT
2. Sandy, UT
3. Midvale, UT
4. Cottonwood Heights, UT
5. A different place in Cottonwood Heights, UT

5 jobs I've had:
1. Credit Analyst at Wright Express
2. Salesperson at Dillard's
3. Store Manager at Advance 'Til Payday (payday loans are of the devil-never get one!)
4. POS Supervisor at ShopKo
5. Cashier at Target

5 things people don't know:
Please refer to my last blog entry. I can't come up with anything more right now.

I tag Rebecca, Traci (again, just email it), and whoever else would like to do it. I really need more blog readers so that I don't feel so lame when I have no one to tag.

Seven Things

Rebecca tagged me, so here are seven random things about me (because I know you don't get enough random information about me already!):

1. I'm a complete snob when it comes to the east side and west side of the Salt Lake area. Nothing against you personally if you happen to live in Kearns, West Valley, or anywhere over there. I admire your willingness to brave drive-by's on a daily basis, and I will pray for you, that you might be able to find housing in a safer, less ghetto area. Please note that this does not apply to the southernmost end of the valley. Herriman is fine.

2. I get teary-eyed almost on a daily basis. Contrary to popular belief, I am very tender hearted, and animals, children, Oprah and church talks make me cry. And a lot of t.v. shows and movies. And some music. And a lot of books. Pretty much everything has tear potential, I guess.

3. For a long time I didn't like to have pictures up in my bedroom because I felt like the people were watching me like in Harry Potter. This was before Harry Potter though, so I guess it was just a little craziness coming out.

4. I have a slight obsession with food storage. Not that I actually have much of it, because I'm living with my parents right now and don't have room, but I like to learn about it and plan what I will have in the future.

5. I have ADD when it comes to books. I usually have at least three or four in progress at a time. It makes me nervous to just be reading one book and only one book.

6. I pay far too much attention to celebrity gossip. I'm trying to break myself of this habit because really, who cares if Paris Hilton tripped and fell, or if Naomi Campbell was arrested (AGAIN).

7. I have carpal tunnel and my wrists and hands hurt pretty much all the time. If I forget to wear my wrist braces at night and have to work the next day, I'm ready to kill myself round about 9 a.m. Lately my fingers have been staying numb for most of the day too.

I tag Wendy, Traci (yes, I know you don't write on your blog, so just email it to me again!) and whoever else would like to do it.

My favorite cake

I made this on Sunday for Mark's 18th birthday, and then ate probably half of it. It's the best. I have to have nicknames for everything, and because I have issues with swearing in my head, I like to call it Texas Sh*t Cake. Not out loud though because my mom would be horrified. Out loud you may also refer to it as Texas Shiz Cake.

Texas Sheet Cake

1 c. water
2 sticks margarine or butter
4 T. cocoa
2 c. sugar
2 c. flour
1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 c. sour cream
2 eggs

Melt the butter/margarine in a pan, then add the water and cocoa. In a bowl, mix together the sugar, flour, salt and baking soda. Combine with the butter/cocoa mix. In another bowl, mix together the sour cream and eggs and add to the rest of it. (FYI-I melt the butter, then add the water and cocoa, then just dump all the rest together. I don't have time to mix all the other stuff together on its own. Actually, I do, I'm just too lazy) Pour into a greased jellyroll pan and bake at 375 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes. You don't need to let this cool first before frosting, because it's extra delicious when it's warm and melty.

Frosting

1 stick butter or margarine
4 T. cocoa
6 T. milk
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 bag powdered sugar
Nuts (if you feel you must ruin it)

Melt the butter and add the cocoa, milk and vanilla. Beat in the powdered sugar until it's the right consistency. What is the right consistency, you ask? The consistency of homemade frosting.

The sound of music

I love music. I have no musical abilities whatsoever, but I love to listen to music. It's on all the time. Sometimes I have to force myself to turn it off so my brain can relax for a minute. One of my favorite things to do is go to the Music You Should Hear page on the Borders website. They have lists of musical artists and what they like to listen to. It's a great place to get ideas for new music, which I then go download (completely legally, I swear). I like pretty much all music except hardcore gangsta rap and really heavy heavymetal. I also love to make playlists for my iPod. I have playlists for all moods (especially when I'm feeling really bitter) and events. Here is today's playlist:

"Revolution" from the Across the Universe soundtrack
"Most of Me" by Mandy Moore
"The Sea" by Morcheeba
"Flat on the Floor" by Carrie Underwood
"Long Day" by Matchbox Twenty
"Labyrinth" by Elisa
"Long Walk Home" by Bruce Springsteen
"Here With Me" by Dido
"Gorgeous" by Idina Menzel
"Boys Don't Cry" by Plumb
"1,000 Lonely Days" by Antigone Rising
"Typical" by MuteMath
"Are You Out There" by Dar Williams
"You Take My Breath Away" by Sarah Brightman
"Sisters of Avalon" by Cyndi Lauper (the version from "The Body Acoustic")
"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis
"Dear Prudence" from the Across the Universe soundtrack
"No One" by Alicia Keys
"Kerosene" by Miranda Lambert
"Walking on Air" by Kerli
"We're Young and Beautiful" by Carrie Underwood
"Surrounded" by Chantal Kreviazuk
"Sea Lion Woman" by Feist
"I Alone" by Anouk and K's Choice

The Today Show Announcement

I swear this is going to be my last post about New Kids on the Block for at least a month! Did anyone see them on the Today Show this morning? If not, you can watch it here. Here are my thoughts: First of all, Danny has turned creepy. He looks a little bit like a pedophile or a peeping tom or something. He used to be really built back in the day, and he worked out all the time, but now he's kind of little. Granted, he had clothes on so I couldn't really tell. Not that I'm used to seeing him without his clothes on, but my Step by Step video had several clips of him pumping iron and jumping rope. Not girly double-dutch, but hard core exercise rope jumping. Anyway, my point is, if I saw Danny's mugshot on the news tomorrow, I would look at it and say yeah, that looks about right.

I felt kinda bad for Jon. If I remember correctly, he has severe anxiety and has a hard time being in front of people. He just stood in the back and looked completely uncomfortable the whole time. I wonder how they got him to do this whole thing. Fortunately, Donnie, Joey and Jordan answered most of the questions, so Jon (I want to call him sweet, little Jon even though he's probably pushing 40) and Creepy Danny didn't really talk much.

Speaking of Jordan and Joey, they were looking mighty fine! I was never a big Joey fan because he was the dorky, little kid of the group, but now he's all grown up and was in Wicked, so that automatically makes him cool. Jordan's always been cool. And fine. I heart him.

I'm not sure how I feel about Donnie. He has been very much overshadowed by his brother who is much more attractive, despite his third nipple. Donnie was too much of a bad boy for me. I know, one of the New Kids being too much of a bad boy sounds ridiculous, but hey, I was like nine years old. I wasn't aware of the joys of rebellion yet. So yeah, I still don't quite know what to make of Donnie. He doesn't appear to be the bad boy anymore. He's not as hot as Jordan. Despite his role in The Sixth Sense, he's not as creepy as Creepy Danny. I don't know where he fits in. He doesn't have an assigned role to fill anymore.

So there are my thoughts on this morning's appearance. I apologize for the moments of randomness, but that's just the way my brain works these days. I think it's fried from trying to keep it together these last couple weeks at work. It is becoming increasingly difficult to not tell people exactly what I think about how they've just messed things up. I should probably just call it good and not show up on Monday. It would really be for the benefit of everyone involved.

The boys are back!

And still as hot as ever!!!

This makes me sick

In the Deseret News today there is an article called "Gay 'agenda' targeted-Speakers in American Fork warn of dangers." Here are the two parts that irritated me the most:

-Referring to the "homosexual agenda", a speaker said " They are smart, they are clever and they are patient. If they can get our children indoctrinated in the schools, into accepting inappropriate sexuality as normal and OK, even celebrated, all they have to do is wait for you and me to die. And in one generation they win. There will be nobody to stand against them."

-The article then says "Graham also focused attention on dangers he associates with homosexuality like suicide, drug use and sexually transmitted diseases."

Wow. I hardly even know what to say to that. Oh wait, yes I do. You have got to freakin' be kidding me!!! Do people really think there is some powerful group of gays sitting around scheming to infiltrate the school system? And are gay people the only ones who commit/consider suicide, use drugs, and have STD's? Huh, that's funny, because I'm an addict in recovery and I'm pretty darn straight, and I know a whole lot of other addicts who aren't gay either. Also, it seems to me like I just read an article a few weeks ago about how 1 in 4 teenage girls have an STD. I'm pretty sure that they aren't all gay either. As for the suicide thing, I don't know the statistics. It wouldn't surprise me at all if the suicide rate is higher amongst gay people. I wonder why that is, though. Could it be because ignorant, intolerant people like those mentioned in this article not only are cruel and insensitive themselves, but also teach their children to behave this way? Do you remember Lawrence King, the 8th grader who was killed because he was gay? What did his killer learn at home? Did his parents teach him that gays like Lawrence were trying to infiltrate his school and indoctrinate him, and that he had better watch out? I don't care if you believe that being gay is a sin or not, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion. Most gay bashing is done in the name of religion, and in this state, mostly in the name of my own religion. This makes me so sad because the Gospel that believe in and love has taught me to be tolerant, loving and kind. Love the sinner, hate the sin. We all know I haven't lived a perfect life, and while I have definitely felt some judgment and condemnation from some members of my faith, I am extremely grateful that people don't hate me and want to eradicate me because of the choices I've made. I believe we're all brothers and sisters and we're in this together, so why can't we lift each other up and support each other instead of tearing each other down and teaching our children to hate one another?

My prayers have been answered

It's official! If I weren't quitting my job soon, I would so be skipping work Friday.

Jaimal

You have to check this out, it's hilarious. I used to work with this guy. I swear he never actually worked though. Every time I saw him he was always on break. Although if you want to get technical, every time I saw him on break, I was also on break, but whatever. :)

You Disappoint Me

Growing up I was pretty sure that at this point in my life I would have been married to one or more of the following (but not at the same time):

Jordan Knight
Jared Leto
Jonathan Taylor Thomas
Jason Priestly
Jonathan Brandis
Joshua Jackson
Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles

I guess your name had to start with a J for me to like you. Where, though, are they? I am thoroughly disappointed in them. Apparently the love we shared just wasn't enough.

Please change your name

Every day as I drive home from work I pass a restaurant called La Vigna, and every day for a split second I do a double take because I swear the sign says Vagina. Please, I beg of you, change your name.

Run, Don't Walk

Have I mentioned that I get all my restaurant ideas from the blog, Your Heart Out? Well, I do, and a while ago a bakery/cafe called Flour Girls & Dough Boys in American Fork was mentioned. I've been meaning to stop by and I finally did yesterday. Oh . . . my . . . gosh. If you have never been to this place, you need to stop everything and go there right now. No really, right this very second. It's amazingly delicious. I had the Chicken Breast and Avocado Panini, and that was going to be it, but as I stood there waiting for my samich, I had to buy more. I got a loaf of sourdough bread, spinach and feta focaccia (there are three different kinds of focaccia!), a fresh out of the oven right before my eyes cinnamon roll, and a mint brownie. My samich didn't even make it home, I had to eat it in the car because it smelled so good. The cinnamon roll was really good, but it had cream cheese frosting as most cinnamon rolls tend to have, and I don't like cream cheese and sugar mixed together. My mom graciously ate it for me. We all split the brownie, and according to my Grandma, it was the best brownie she has ever had. The breads were wonderful, too. I only got one itsy bitsy little bite of the focaccia before everyone else devoured it, but what I had was amazing. I made up for it by eating half of the loaf of sourdough. I know some of you guys up there in Salt Lake don't like to venture past the point of the mountain for fear of being hijacked by crazy Happy Valley Mormonites, but this is well worth it.

I love it!!!!

I love to see what blogs other people read, and I stumbled upon A Paige in the Book of My Life today. This lady is hilarious. You have to check out her post about her church bag. Even if you don't go read the post, at least enjoy the pictures of the bag she takes to church every week:





I want one of these bags. I would love to see the looks on people's faces if I walked into Primary carrying this bag. It would probably get me banned. Hmmm, maybe not such a bad idea!

More

Before I went off on my little tangent yesterday and had to step away from the computer, I had other little things to add to the list. Here they are.

6. You know that scene in "Independence Day" where Vivica A. Fox is in the tunnel with her little boy and her dog and the big fire ball is coming? It doesn't matter how many times I watch the movie, I tense up every time and shriek at her to get the dog, get the dog!

7. I find Marilyn Manson oddly attractive.

8. I think Oprah could be the Antichrist. I'm not saying she is, I'm just saying it would be a good front. Think about it. No one would ever suspect her, and she has influence like very few people do. If she said to tattoo 666 on your forehead, I'm pretty sure a large chunk of the population would do it. Now that being said, I must admit that I do record her show every day, and if it's a good one, which happens every other week or so, I will watch it. And yes, I did watch the Osmond reunion show. Twice actually, but the second time only because my mom doesn't know how to work the remote control.

9. I have a testimony of Hamburger Helper. I am a firm believer in it. I find it to be inexpensive and delicious. If you add stuff to it you can even make it semi-nutritious.

10. I want to learn to do the following: garden and plant a real garden that I actually follow through with and don't kill, preserve the fruits of the harvest (my harvest and the harvest in general), play the violin, speak a new language, sew, quilt, use Photoshop, and figure out how to do genealogy for non-LDS people in Norway and Yugoslavia/Croatia.

Dirty Little Secrets

O.k., so they're not really dirty, but here are some things about me; some odd, some not. I'm telling you these things because I'm totally bored, it's far too early to go to bed, and I don't have anything else interesting to say.

1. My fingers are always typing. Whether it's what I'm thinking, words I see, or what people are saying, my fingers are always moving. I can't get them to stop. I have to concentrate really hard to not move my fingers when I'm in situations that involve people looking at my hands or if I'm holding hands with someone. If I'm not thinking about anything in particular, I type "Brighton Plaza" over and over again because I used to live across the street from yup, you guessed it-Brighton Plaza. Lorri and I would sit outside and I would stare at the sign and type the words over and over again. I'm sure other people do it with piano keys or things like that. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just weird like that.

2. I am all about driving over the speed limit. Unintelligible grumblings can frequently be heard from my direction when I get stuck behind someone going the speed limit or within fiveish above. Seven to ten above is perfection. Nothing pisses me off more, however, than people speeding through a school zone. DO YOU NOT SEE THE CHILDREN????? This is one of the few . . . well, o.k., maybe not few, but this is one of the times in life where I wish I could pull people over and taser them. Then, while they're writhing on the ground, maybe kick 'em a few times. 'Cause seriously-the children!

3. I loathe public restrooms. I will do everything in my power to avoid using them. I should add though, that when I say public, I pretty much mean any bathroom other than my own. I also hate other people using my bathroom. If someone else has used my bathroom, even if they've only peed, I can't go in there for at least half an hour. The sanctity has been violated.

4. I think my washer and dryer are conspiring against me. I swear my shirts are all fine when they go in the wash, but when they come out of the dryer, they all mysteriously have spots on them. It's a good thing I wear a hoodie every day to cover up the stains. I don't know what I'm going to do when I go back to school and don't have the excuse of a cold office.

5. It's cute for a four year-old to think she's a Princess. Not so much when you're twenty-four. To every single one of the Kardashians-you are not a Princess, you are not special, and you are not entitled to anything more than anyone else out there. Same goes for you, Paris. In fact, same goes for pretty much everyone. Rules are there for a reason, and no one is above them (well, except for the whole ten above the speed limit thing). By the same token, no one out there is undeserving or less than simply because of who they are. I'm tired of getting email forwards about people not speaking English (notice I am staying away from the illegal immigrant debate). If your biggest concern in life is that the person who you deal with for 60 seconds at the drive-up window is hard to understand, I think you're doing alright. I'm also tired of the gay jokes, and the fat jokes, and the sexually explicit jokes, and jokes about Jewing people, and the list goes on and on and on. Am I the only one who is tired of all the negativity? I know, I know, this after I talk about tasering people and I tell the Kardashians they're not special. Seriously, though-next time you send an email forward, or tell a joke, or think you deserve something more than someone else, just think about it first. Alright, I am now stepping down off my soap box.

I've got the pink eye

And that's really all I've got to say about that.

Except . . . can it only be spread by eye goobie to eye contact? 'Cause I took bubbles to Primary yesterday and pretty much blew germs all over my class.

Craftiness

I've decided I need to be more crafty. I used to be slightly crafty. After reading people's blogs, it has now become imperative that I, at the very least, own the tools with which to be crafty. Alright, I'll be honest, I just want to buy the stuff. I want all the pretty ribbon and stickers and doodads. And then I want someone to make me things with them. When I say someone, that doesn't necessarily exclude me, but it doesn't necessarily include me either. I want to have Craftiness Parties during which goodies are eaten, chit-chat is had, and items are crafted, but I don't think anyone I know still does any of that stuff (crafts, not eating and chit-chat). We should all probably start again. Think of the pictures that have yet to be cropped and glued. Hmmm . . . just saying that kinda made me cringe a little bit. I think maybe I'm done with scrapbooking and am ready for something else in the craft world. Maybe the best way to decide is to go buy different things and play around with them. Or just look at them for a while and then pack them away with the scrapbooking stuff, where they'll make reappearances every once in a while, then eventually never been seen again.

Blech

My sickness has moved into my left ear now. My eyes started oozing goo today too. I think the last time that happened was when I was five. My oh so observant mother asked me today if I was sick. Really? You're just now noticing? 'Cause I've been hacking up my lungs for going on five days now.

For your viewing pleasure

Keep in mind two things: it may look like it's shoved up my nose, but that's just the angle, it is really only gently inserted, and my eyes look like that because the first time I did it the water went up my nose and didn't come out the other side and it hurt.





I haven't used the neti much yet, but I do feel very refreshed afterwards and can breathe better. We'll see if it helps in the long run. A problem with it, though, is that you have to be able to breathe to be able to use it. Obviously if you're stuffed up, the water won't be able to go through. But if I weren't having issues in the first place, I wouldn't have need of it, now would I?

Sick . . . sick . . .

This happens every time a stressful event in my life ends-I immediately get sick. After finding out yesterday that BYU miraculously is allowing me to rejoin the student body, I awoke this morning feeling horrendous. Did you like that I used a big word there? See now that I am a university student again, I am going to immediately cease the use of my previous unlearned and unrefined vocabulary. Just kidding-I felt like crap. My neck is stiff and hurts really bad, my throat hurts, but not in a raw kind of a way, it hurts like my tonsils are swelling up and about to explode, the sinuses inside my cheeks (the maxillary sinuses-I know because I had to look it up to make sure there were really sinuses there. I didn't want to say they hurt and then find out there weren't any there and have BYU find out and decide they don't want me after all.) feel like they're full of goo and are putting pressure on my face, my nose is stuffed up, my entire body pretty much just hurts, and I have the chills. Plus, if that weren't enough, in the middle of the night my neck decided to teach me a little lesson about vanity and it sprouted a ginormous, painful pimple. But you know what-I got back into school, I get to quit my job next month which means I won't have to get up at 5 am and commute for 45 minutes, and I'm still completely impressed by my cooking skills from the other day, so life is pretty darn good after all. And thanks to the makers of Nyquil (well, actually Kroger 'cause I'm cheap like that), it's about to get a whole lot better!

Oh my deliciousness

Last night for dinner I made a salad of baby cucumbers, French green beans, grape tomatoes, asparagus, onions, fresh basil, fresh mozzarella, and salami ('cause it can't all be healthy), and served it on a bed of warm homemade polenta. It was like heaven on earth. I would have taken pictures but I was too busy stuffing my face. Maybe next time.

Oh no! I missed it!

I just noticed that I completely missed my 100th post! How sad. This is number 111 if you count the ones I deleted and I think 102 with the ones that are still up. Oh well, I'll have to keep a better eye out for 200 I guess. Oh, by the way, did I mention I got into BYU? 'Cause I totally did!

I got in! I got in!

A miracle occurred today and BYU let me back in! Yay! Classes start next month, which means I get to quit my job and not have to commute anymore! Double yay!

The concert

Lorri and I went to the Matchbox Twenty/Alanis Morissette concert last Thursday at the E Center. It was really good, but you know how you have a preconceived notion in your mind of how people are going to look? Yeah, Rob Thomas and Alanis were both really short. I felt like I had been magically transported to the Shire or something. But I'm getting ahead of myself, let's go back to the beginning.

Mute Math opened the show, and I had never heard of them before, so I wasn't overly excited. They were o.k. The music was way louder than the vocals, and if I'm hearing a song for the first time, I have to be able to hear the words. I could tell, though, that it was something I might possibly like if I could hear it normally, so I downloaded a song yesterday and it is pretty good.

Alanis Morissette came on wearing a lovely sequined vest and was awesome. She did all my favorite songs along with a few new ones. I can't decide if I like "Angry Alanis" or "New Age Alanis" better and I really don't know why we're thanking India. She really should be thanking her chiropractor. She does all these headbanger moves and twirls around and flips her upper body all around on stage. It was slightly odd, but completely Alanis.

Matchbox Twenty. Where to even begin? They were amazing. They sounded great live and put on just a really fun show. I loved hearing all the older songs, especially the ones from their first album like "Push" and "3 AM." I do have to mention, though, that Rob totally has a bubble butt. That sounds horrible, but it was incredibly distracting for the first couple of songs until I got used to it. Maybe it was just the pants. Maybe he wore Apple Bottom jeans by mistake. I don't know.

Anyway, the concert was great and I had lots of fun. Lorri took some pictures with her phone. If there are any good ones I'll post them later. In the meantime, here's a picture of my new BFF, Rob:

The neti has landed

I think my sinuses have all sorts of strange and wondrous things growing and/or lodged inside of them. I have had an alternately stuffy and runny nose for like the last three years. I sneeze all the time, especially at work, because I sit right under a vent that I think blows nothing but air filled with dust and particles of I don't want to know what, all over me. I think the girl who sits on one side of my cubicle secretly wishes I would die every time I sneeze. She doesn't like noise, you see, and I sneeze all day long, always in sets of three. So I bought a neti pot because Dr. Oz said on Oprah that it's supposed to clear up your sinuses like magic, and you know that if it was on Oprah, it must be true, right, James Frey! I guess we'll see if Dr. Oz is right. I don't know yet if I'll subject you to pictures of me pouring water through my nose. Here is a picture of the exact neti pot that I am now the proud owner of:

5 Travel Inspiring Movies

I found a list of 5 Movies that Inspire Travel and I thought I'd do my own. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Enchanted April

2. Blue Crush

3. Under the Tuscan Sun

4. A Room With a View

5. The Horse Whisperer

And the honorable mention goes to . . . Brokedown Palace. Just kidding!

My new favorite website

FreakingNews has all sorts of fun Photoshopped stuff. Check out these Neckless Celebrities:









They also have political gender change pics:



And all sorts of fun stuff:

Tag . . . you're it!

Wendy tagged me again. But hey guess what!!! This time she isn't the only one who reads my blog, so I actually have other people to tag! Hooray!

FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES-I love shoes, especially dressy ones, but I've decided to just embrace my homeless look, so I'm going with my ratty old tennis shoes.

NEW YEARS RESOLUTION- Read more.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW- "Labyrinth" by Elisa. Oddly enough this is the same song I was listening to when I filled out that email survey thing earlier today.

IF YOU HAD $200 TO SPEND ON YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE- Books, books and more books. I would have said fun stuff from Sephora, but $200 wouldn't go very far there.

RANDOM THOUGHT- My eyeball won't stop itching.

FAVORITE PLACE TO GO IN THE CITY YOU LIVE IN- home

THE BOOK YOU ARE READING - I always have several going at the same time. "God Wants a Powerful People" by Sheri L. Dew, "Whitethorn Woods" by Maeve Binchy, "Introduction to Rhetorical Theory" by Gerard A. Hauser (it's as exciting as it sounds!), "The Path of Practice: A Woman's Book of Ayurvedic Healing" by Bri Maya Tiwari, and the BoM.

I tag Traci, Lorri and Rebecca.

Elizabeth's Bakery & Tea Shop

For great British food, you have to try Elizabeth's Bakery & Tea Shop. It's on 6th South and 7th East in Salt Lake. Lorri and I went there the other day for breakfast. I had quiche, crumpets and hot chocolate. She had a beef and onion pie thingy and a soda ('cause she wouldn't be Lorri without a soda, no matter what time of day!). Next door to the Tea Shop is a great store called London Market. They have all sorts of fun stuff, but I'll save that for another post. Here are some pics:



The Cadbury's hot chocolate was some of the best I've ever had.



Lorri's soda and my appropriate breakfast beverage. :)



They had all sorts of yummy food on display.




Lorri is really enjoying the beefiness of her beef pie!



I love quiche!



And crumpets! But not so much pictures of me eating!

Another Grandma find

I found this when I was going through more of my Grandma Brown's things. I love the sound of a "trousseau tea."

Take that!

I came across this clip while I was looking for my favorite movie scenes. It isn't one of my favorite movie scenes, but it might be making it on the list soon. If I don't get in to the school I applied to, this is what I'm going to say to them. Warning: there is a swear! (I'm trying to keep in mind the different people who read this!) I also have to add that Christopher Guest is a genius.

Another movie moment

Hopefully this doesn't post twice. Blogger is having some issues. Or maybe it's my lack of skills. Anyway . . . I love Matthew McConaughey in "Dazed and Confused", and especially in this moment. You have to see this movie. If you're a non R-rated movie watcher like myself as of late, make sure you catch if next time it's on t.v. It also has an awesome soundtrack full of great 70's music.

Shun the non-believer! Shun!

My friend, Cathy, introduced me to the wonder that is Charlie the Unicorn a year ago and I thought I would share the joy and joyness with the rest of you. I've found that you either think it's the stupidest thing you've ever seen or the funniest thing you've ever seen. I hope you enjoy it. Last year for Cathy's birthday we baked her a Candy Mountain cake. It was magnificent.

Part Four, Kinda

O.k., so this isn't from a movie, but t.v. is close enough. This is from "My So-Called Life" which is probably the greatest one season show ever. Seriously. If you have never watched this show, you have to go get it. They just re-released it on DVD with new special features. Other than this scene and pretty much any with Jordan Catalano aka Jared Leto, my favorite moment of the show was in the very first episode where Angela aka Claire Danes is sitting at the dining room table eating dinner with her family and talks about how lately she can't even look at her mother without wanting to stab her repeatedly. That's pretty much how I felt at the time too. (Love ya, Mom!) But anyway, this scene is the best scene of the whole series. I can't even explain it to you if you're a loser and haven't seen it. Go rent/buy it. Once again, the music makes the scene. Are you noticing a theme here?

Part Three

No list of favorite movie moments could possibly be complete without this clip from "Say Anything." "In Your Eyes" is now and will forever be my favorite song because of this moment. Thank you, Lloyd Dobler and Cameron Crowe.

Favorite Movie Moments Part 2

Of all the different versions of Pride and Prejudice, this is my favorite version of this particular scene. I love that they keep getting closer and closer like they're going in for a kiss.

Favorite Movie Moments

Since I watch movies all day, I thought I would start sharing some of my favorite movie moments. This scene is the end of "Wicker Park." The song totally makes the moment. You will never again be able to hear this song without thinking of this movie.

BYU Update

There is no update. I'm going to end up with an ulcer by the time they get around to making a decision. And technically, it's only been a day. They didn't officially log my application as being complete until yesterday. I'm going to end up crazy and with an ulcer.

Idina Menzel

I love me some Idina Menzel. Her new song, I Stand, kinda irritates me though. I loved it at first, but then two lines started to get on my nerves. See the lyrics below. The two lines are "I hope for a hero to save me." and "I don't try and change the world; But what will you make of me?" Why do you need a hero to save you? Save yourself. The whole song is about what you stand for and what you believe in, but then you hope for a hero to save you? Um . . . how about you be the strong woman that you are and just do it yourself instead of waiting and hoping for someone else to do it for you. Then the part about "what will you make of me?" I don't know if I'm just not understanding the lyric correctly, but life shouldn't be about what the world or other people make of us, it should be about what we make of ourselves. And I don't know about the rest of you, but if I can change the world, you best be believing I'm going to do it. Why would you not? Think of all the lives you can change and all the good you can do if you're not sitting around waiting for a hero to save you!

"I Stand"

When you ask me, who I am:
What is my vision? And do I have a plan?
Where is my strength? Have I nothing to say?
I hear the words in my head, but I push them away.

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

And I don't know
What tomorrow brings
The road less traveled
Will it set us free?
Cause we are taking it slow,
These tiny legacies.
I don't try and change the world;
But what will you make of me?

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

With the slightest of breezes
We fall just like leaves
As the rain washes us from the ground
We forget who we are
We can't see in the dark
And we quickly get lost in the crowd

'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
'Cause I stand for the power to change,
I live for the perfect day.
I love till it hurts like crazy,
I hope for a hero to save me.
I stand for the strange and lonely,
I believe there's a better place.
I don't know if the sky is heaven,
But I pray anyway.

I have a new church calling

I have been called to serve in the Primary and I want them to take it back. I finally got the manual tonight and found out who my class is. They split the five year-olds, and I have the boys. This isn't why I don't want the calling though. I may have grown up in the Church, but I'm just rebuilding my life within it. I'm trying to meet people in the ward and build a support network down here in Orem. I'm actually enjoying going to Sunday School and Relief Society and making friends with sisters in the ward, and now I've been banished to the Primary. Or at least that's what it feels like. I know what's going to happen though. I'm going to get there on Sunday and look at all those cute little kids and feel completely horrible that I thought for even one second about not wanting the calling. Kids can melt even the grinchiest of hearts like mine!

So Cupcake Part Two

My boss forced me against my will to go get cupcakes for our team meeting today, so I got to try the lemon flavor! It was pure deliciousness! It's my new favorite. We arrived at an awkward time though. They were doing the ribbon cutting and the Holladay City Commerce something or another people were there, along with Carole Mikita and her camera peeps. I don't know if it'll be on the news tonight, but if you look closely, you might just see me lurking in the background, trying to coerce the frosting lady into selling me some cupcakes even though she didn't know how to use the cash register. I'll be the one with the t-shirt, hoodie and ponytail!

Can you say bitter?

I've been in kind of a bad mood lately, mostly due to factors related to my age and single status. I think I'm over it now, but yesterday I was watching the movie "Bed of Roses" and at the end, where normally I would think "Awwww, that's tender!" I found myself instead thinking "I hope you both get gonorrhea."

It's a miracle!

That's right, a miracle! I went to work today and looked like an adult! My hair was did and I wore a presentable ensemble, including jewelry! Now this may not seem like much of an accomplishment to most people, but I get up at 5 am to make it to work in Salt Lake by 7. Keep in mind that getting up at 5 allows me exactly enough time to put my hair in a ponytail, throw on a t-shirt, hoodie and dress pants. The dress pants are so that I look like I'm wearing business attire and the president of my bank can't get mad at me. But yeah, pretty much every day-a ponytail, t-shirt and a hoodie. They are semi-dressy t-shirts though. So now let's go back to the fact that I didn't look like a bag lady today, and I'm pretty sure that it was a miracle. I have no idea why I am devoting a whole blog entry to this. I was just so proud of myself. It's kind of sad that I'm so amazed at how nice it feels to not go through the day feeling so scummy. In fact, here's a happy face picture for you. Notice the nicely straightened hair. Maybe tomorrow I'll post a picture of my normal homeless look for you to compare the difference.

So Cupcake

A great new shop, So Cupcake, just opened by my place of employment. Technically, the grand opening isn't until tomorrow, but we've already been there three times. They specialize in . . . you guessed it, cupcakes! They have mini and regular sized, and as a favor to my numerous blog readers, I have taken it upon myself to try almost all of the different flavors. I love the cinnamon and sugar, red velvet, blueberry and carrot cake flavors. The strawberry, vanilla, chocolate and peanut butter are good too, and I haven't tried the lemon or brownie cake yet. Lemon is Cathy's favorite so we keep going back hoping to get that flavor but we keep missing it. We have been assured that they will have lemon tomorrow though. So if you happen to be in the the area tomorrow (39th South and Highland), make sure you stop by-they'll be giving out free mini cupcakes to celebrate their opening.







Cathy without a lemon cupcake.

And finally

This is pretty much how the weekend felt . . .

. . . like a whirlwind passing me by. It went by way too fast. And yes, that is Ashley, and that is the speed she moves at pretty much all the time!

More fun with Ashley

I spent forever trying to get a good picture of Ashley. She either wouldn't hold still or wouldn't smile nicely.













Then she wanted to take silly pictures.





There was another one that was a close up of her nostril, but I thought I would spare you.

Weekend with the nieces

Without fail, I always forget to take pictures until the very last day that the girls are here, and then I just take a few because I'll be mad at myself if I don't.

Sariah, all bundled up to go outside



The toy box was immediately dumped out all over the living room floor when they got here.



This is a horrible picture, but if it only had sound, you would die laughing. Ashley was trying on new clothes, and when she takes her clothes off, she runs around screaming "It's a naked baby! It's a naked baby!"



Mmmm . . . Cheerios are delicious!



And just for fun, a nasty string of spit hanging from Darcy's mouth. Make sure you click to make it bigger!

Pizzeria Seven Twelve

Last week I went to Pizzeria Seven Twelve with the fam. Since we had never been there before, we decided to try several different things:

Braised beef shortribs, with anson mills polenta and horseradish cream. I realize that appetizers are supposed to be small, but this was basically one shortrib on a bed of polenta. It was really yummy though. This was probably my favorite dish so it would have been really nice if we had been able to have had more than one bite each.

Another appetizer (or maybe it was a salad) that isn't on their online menu, but had sweet potatoes, pecans, and greens (or as I like to call them, weeds). This one was really good too. I highly recommend it. This might actually be the first salad on the menu, with the squash, but I don't think so.

Roasted beets, house made ricotta, endive, walnuts, tarragon. Mmmm, beets. I had never in my life had beets until I went to Vegas a month and a half ago, but now I love them. They taste like dirt, but in a good way.

There was another salad too that doesn't appear to be on the online menu. It had blue cheese in it I think. It was good too. It had weeds in it also. Maybe I'm confused about the salads and what is and is not on the menu. Oh well. I would venture to say that you could pick anything on the menu and it would probably be tasty.

Pizza with roasted fennel, house made sausage and mozzarella. Very tasty, but its deliciousness was slightly dampered by Mark remarking that the roasted fennel looked like dead bugs.

Pizza with speck, soppressata, garlic and mozzarella. I think we all liked this pizza the best. Speck is a kind of prosciutto, and sopressatta is salami type sausage.

So, all the food was delicious, but I think Mark was a little disappointed because he was expecting more of a typical pizza place, and this was a fancy schmancy pizza place with ingredients we had never heard of. He may have been happier staying home with a frozen Totino's. Also, other than the pizzas, the portion sizes are really small. Don't think that you can order just a salad and have that be your meal. Actually, maybe you're a size two and you can actually do that. If so, good for you and I hope you choke on a mouthful of beets!

It's finished

The BYU application is complete and out of my hands. Well, actually, all I had to do was turn in an Ecclesiastical Endorsement, but it's done, and almost a full two weeks before the deadline! Usually I turn things in the day before or the day of. Despite what people say, I still don't think they're going to let me back in, but I'll let everyone know what happens. Or I won't say anything and you'll know it was a big, fat rejection!

Happy Valentine's Day!

The girls will be here tomorrow! I can't wait!

Christmas 1982

I love this picture because really, what says Christmas like a facemask and a bottle of liquor? Wendy, were your Christmases with Grandpa Brown anything like this?

He can fly!

Mark went to a costume dance tonight and dressed up as Peter Pan.



Doesn't he have great legs!!!



This was my favorite pose but it turned out kinda blurry.

We were tough

They were "special spirits"

On my drive home from work today (which, by the way, seems to be getting longer and longer), I was reminiscing about the Singles Ward I attended before I moved back to Orem. I thought I would share two special memories with you.


1. A guy who we'll call Creepy J, cornered me in the hallway and used what may be the greatest LDS pick-up line ever: "Have you met President Monson? 'Cause I have." I thought I was special, but apparently he uses that line on all the girls.

2. We did an activity called Girlfriend/Boyfriend for Five Weeks. Basically you were matched up with someone and you went out once a week for five weeks and then played a game at the end to see who got to know each other the best. I was paired up with The Aviator. Where do I even begin? He picked me up forty-five minutes late, immediately looked me up and down and realized I was not his normal type (skinny and blond). We went to meet another couple to play Frisbee Golf and I have driven with many crappy drivers in my life, but never have I feared for my life as I did with him. We were weaving in and out of traffic on the freeway, going abnormal speeds, etc. I was seriously holding on for dear life. During this time, the conversation went something like this:

(Picture his lines being said in a suave, soap opera-y way. Not that they were actually said this way, but it makes it more fun.)

Him: Did you sing in your high school choir?
Me: Nope.
Him: Well I did.

Him: Do you play any sports?
Me: Nope. (In my head I was laughing and thinking what a funny joke that was!)
Him: Well I play soccer for my college.

Him: Have you ever been to Ireland?
Me: Nope.
Him: Well I have.

Him: Have you ever been to Australia?
Me: Nope.
Him: Well I have.

Him: Have you ever hied to Kolob?
Me: Nope.
Him: Well I have.

O.k., well maybe not that last one, but you get my point. So we get to the Frisbee Golf place and pretty much I suck. Fortunately, so does the other girl, so The Aviator and his BFF play ahead and we're left behind. She was actually really nice. The BFF was too. It was just The Aviator who wasn't. So after what felt like fifty-six hours of stupid Frisbee Golf which, by the way, is not a sport (sorry, Cathy), we went to dinner. Dinner was better because I could talk to the other two, although The Aviator did have to throw in all the other places he's been to, and all the Broadway plays he's seen, and how he regularly wrestles with alligators. Dinner ends and as we recklessly sped out of the parking lot, there was apparently a cop behind us. I did not actually see the cop as I was too distracted by the fact that The Aviator looked over at me and said, and I quote, "Do you mind if I run from the cops?" And he did. Needless to say the rest of the drive home was a bit awkward. When we finally got back to my place he started opening his car door to walk me to the front door, but I just said bye and hopped out as fast as I could. We never spoke again.

I should probably mention that I call him The Aviator because he is currently in flight school. A bonus of flight school is that apparently you can tell which direction clouds are coming from and what the chances are of them pouring rain on your game of Frisbee Golf.

An explanation

I just wanted to explain why I included New Kids on the Block on my gratitude list. I'm realizing after the fact that it sounds kind of weird. It's because my cousin, Erin, and I were huge NKOTB (yes, I did just use the abbreviation!) fans back in the day, and when I wrote the gratitude list, we had been emailing about how there is supposedly a reunion in the works. So I don't actually sit around listening to their music anymore, but the thought of a reunion tour makes me happy. I never got to see them when they were popular, so you better believe I will be there this time around with an I heart Jordan t-shirt and everything! I wonder if I could fashion some sort of faux rattail like all the guys used to have. Hmmm . . .

Oh, and while we're on the subject (since we probably never ever will be again), my mom was going through all our movies, and you'll never guess what she found . . . my New Kids "Step By Step" video. Ahhhh . . . the memories are just flooding back!

Because I know you care . . .

Here are a couple pictures from when I was 5 (1986) and I was sent to a YMCA day camp called Kimball Camp. I went there several years, and if I recall correctly, we did sing Kumbaya. I think the look on my face in the first picture perfectly sums up my opinion of camp in general. Also, you may not be able to tell, but I'm wearing open-toed, white jelly shoes with white socks. I'm not sure if this is because I dressed myself that day, or if my mom fell victim to the 80s whilst choosing my ensemble.

The Hinckley Challenge

I found a great website, The Hinckley Challenge, that challenges you to read the Book of Mormon in 97 days in honor of President Hinckley's 97 years. Technically the challenge started on February 4 and ends May 10, but I think the website actually offers reading tracking all the time for free. You just go in each day and put in how much you've read and it makes you your own little graph. So . . . even though you may be starting late like I am, I still think it's a great idea to to re-read the Book of Mormon in honor of President Hinckley. I'm pretty sure if he could choose one thing that each of us would do to remember him, that would be it.

I needed a picture

There were too many posts without pictures, so I thought I'd throw this in. This is from Christmas 1988. We were all pretty stylin' back then!



It doesn't go much bigger than this-sorry.

Thought of the day

"Believe in yourself. Believe in your capacity to do great and good and worthwhile things. Believe in the nature within you, the divine nature, that you are in very deed a son or daughter of the living God. There is something of divinity within you, something that stands high and tall and noble. Get above the dirt and the filth of the earth and walk on a higher plane with your heads up, believing in yourselves and in your capacity to act for good in the world and make a difference."

Gordon B. Hinckley
"Stand a Little Taller"

My two cents worth: It is really, really hard sometimes to be above the dirt and filth of the earth and walk on a higher plane. I tend to let things get to me WAY too easily and become bitter, cynical, sarcastic, gossipy, rude, vicious, and basically just not a nice person. This is definitely something I am trying to work on. I want people to be better for having known me, not just think yeah, she was pretty funny, but also kinda mean sometimes. I'm trying really, really hard to watch my sarcasm and not to make jokes so much at the expense of other people. It really just isn't helpful. Actually, negativity in general just is not helpful at all. I'm going to try my hardest to be more positive and uplifting.

an iTunes education

Most people have iPods, but very few of those people are aware of all of the great things that are available through the iTunes store for free. If you go to Podcasts you can download all sorts of great stuff like foreign language lessons, news radio, pop culture info, etc. I did a couple of searches for "LDS" and "Mormon" and found some great sites like LDS Women's Book Review, The Ensign (just the articles each month read aloud), and LDS Voices. It's really nice to be able to listen to gospel-centered literature, music and discussions at work. I've gotten some really great book ideas from LDS Women's Book Review. They also have a website with book suggestions, but half of the fun is listening to the ladies chit chat.

There is also another section called iTunes U, which has class lectures, speeches, etc., from many different universities all over the country. The other day I listened to "Title IX at 35: A Conversation with Billie Jean King," which was a great forum recorded at Stanford. Some other ones I've downloaded but haven't listened to yet are "The Heart of Nonviolence: A Conversation With the Dalai Lama," "Iraqi Women's Ordeal Under Occupation," and "Poetry and Peace," with Maxine Hong Kingston.

Seeing as how iTunes has exorbitant prices for everything else, I would highly recommend that you take advantage of all of the great free stuff that they offer.

I couldn't not share this . . .

I've been going through old papers that my grandparents saved, and I came across this letter that my grandpa, Clark Brown, wrote to my grandma, Ellen Walker Brown. It's dated February 12, 1972. My dad said this was shortly after she was diagnosed with cancer. She died in April 1973.


Dear Ellen,
It has been a long time since I wrote you a letter. May I take the occasion of this Valentine Day to express my thoughts to you?
Perhaps you will recall that it was on another Valentine Day twenty-six years ago when you were living in Provo that I sent you those first red roses.
Much has transpired during the intervening years. There were those few carefree, happy days when we were first together in Long Beach. There was that December night when I watched the stars dancing in your eyes after you accepted the ring from me. There was the joyful day when you and I knelt across the altar in the Salt Lake Temple and pledged ourselves to each other for time and all eternity. And, of all the brides there, you were the loveliest, the most wonderful.
Then followed those years of struggle when we labored together to establish our home. I had little money and it pained me that I could not give you the nice things I would have liked you to have. But, through it all, we loved each other; and I could not have been happier, for all my world revolved about you.
And then came the children to make our little world complete. How proud I've been of them and how grateful that you are their mother!
As I have watched couples whom we know, and seen many of their marriages falter, I have come to realize, Ellen, what a rare and wonderful thing your love has been.
You have always been kind, gentle, helpful, understanding, patient, forgiving, faithful and true. Your love has been new and fresh each day. You have kissed away the dark hours and calmed my troubled mind.
You have sustained me in all I have undertaken and have ever sought to push me onward and upward to good things. You have made me a better man. You have strengthened my determination to so live that we may be together always.
You have ever been willing to sacrifice your own desires for others, to go out of your way to make others happy.
Your love has been like the gold of the sunlight, the matchless colors of the flowers, the melody of a lovely song, the deep, silent beauty of a precious gem-a steadfast, noble love.
You have been everything for which I have yearned. You belong to my heart, now and forever.
And so, my beloved, on this Valentine Day, I salute you and pray that for you "the morning breaks and the shadows flee away."

Yours always,
Clark


I still can't read this letter without getting teary-eyed. Once again, I am reminded how wonderful it is that we can be together for eternity, and not just for this lifetime. None of us grandkids ever got to meet our Grandma. Shane, the oldest grandchild in the family, was born I think just a few months after she died. I still get teary-eyed every time I think about meeting her some day. I'm pretty sure there won't ever be a time when this doesn't happen. Maybe it seems weird to some people that I love and feel so close to someone whom I've never met, but I really do feel my ancestors around me all the time. I know they're on the other side cheering me on, and I'm sure I did the same for them when they were here.

Phew! Sorry about the two emotional posts-it's just been one of those days!

P.S. I can't figure out how to properly indent/separate the paragraphs on this post. I've tried putting lines in between the paragraphs indenting, and using spaces, but nothing stays once I publish the post. Grrr.

Better late than never

I'm a little late with my President Hinckley post, but I guess it's taken me a little while to gather all my thoughts together. I have to say that I am so very, very happy for him. I can't even begin to imagine how joyful his reunion with Marjorie was. It's so sad to think of people who don't believe in life after death. I can't imagine being with my family for only this life.

President Hinckley holds a special place in my heart, not just because he has been the Prophet longer than anyone else in my lifetime, but because when I first started thinking about coming back to the Church, I read his biography. There have been few times that I have felt the Spirit so strongly as when I was reading that book. It was exactly what I needed to read at exactly the right time. For most people contemplating membership in the Church, they probably feel the Spirit most when they read the Book of Mormon, but I was a little different. I had grown up in the Church and pretty much knew it was true, but I just didn't know if I wanted to be a part of it. I struggled a lot with whether I would ever be good enough, how the Church could be perfect but the people so imperfect, whether I was being judged, etc., etc. Reading about President Hinckley and his family gave me hope and made me feel loved. It made me feel like everything would turn out o.k. and that I'm not perfect, but I'm not expected to be yet. I'm just expected to keep trying and keep taking the next step in the right direction.

I had better be honest, though-it was about another year after reading his biography that I actually did start going back to church on a semi-regular basis, which was a little over a year ago from today. Considering what I've been through the last six or seven years, it's weird for me to say this, but this past year has been one of the hardest years of my life. Every step of the way though, whether it was in General Conference, or the Ensign, or an old talk on BYU TV, President Hinckley was there with me, saying exactly what I needed to hear in order to either take the next right step, or more likely, get myself back on track and where I needed to be. There is no doubt in my mind that I would not be where I am today spiritually if it were not for President Hinckley and his example. Words cannot express how grateful I am for him and how selfishly sad I am that he is gone.

I love President Monson too, though, and I'm praying for him because I'm sure he's overwhelmed with the huge shoes he has to fill. I think he's up to the task. I'll bet he has lots of stories, even gospel stories, we haven't even heard yet!