Year in Review

It's that time of year again.  Part of me says thank goodness this year is over and part of me is sad to see it go.  Then there's the biggest part of me that really just doesn't care either way.  That is definitely the dominant part.  Nevertheless, as I have been horrible at blogging lately, this is the perfect opportunity to compose a blog post that will hopefully entertain, enlighten and perhaps cause a few tears to be shed.  Haha, not really, but that was quite dramatic!  And now I shall commence with the discussing of me and my year, as that is what is truly important tonight.  :) 

Highlights of 2012

• Moving closer to my family.
• Every single moment in Paris, even the ones I didn't absolutely love because hello, it was Paris! (Except for the one lowlight, see below.)  I can't pass this one by without mentioning a few specifics:
• Sharing the experience with my family.
• Seeing works of art that brought tears to my eyes and are some of the clearest examples of the influence of the Divine that I have ever seen.  It never ceases to amaze me how the arts can be such a spiritual experience.  
• Pastries!  Glorious, glorious pastries!
• Weekends spent in Wyoming.  
• The fact that the moments where I felt like all was right in the world far outnumbered the moments where I felt like everything was wrong.
• My daily email and text conversations with Traci, who saved my sanity many, many times.
• My apartment and the solitude, serenity and pants-free environment that it offers.
• Antagonizing people on Facebook for sport during the election season.  I really felt like it was the only way to make those few months before the election bearable.  If any of those people are now reading this, I apologize if you were really and truly offended.
• Temporarily living with BFF Amber after I moved back to Utah. 
• Discovering Homeland, Misfits, Iwan Rheon, Harlan Coben and Lee Child. 
• Taking my client that had cancer for a CT scan a few weeks ago and finding out that there is no sign whatsoever of cancer!

Lowlights of 2012

• The whole Wyoming exodus.  Leaving my friends and clients was heartbreaking and many tears were shed.  Then there was the whole having to give my dog back to the shelter drama.  I still can't speak of it. 
• Moving three times in one year.  I don't want to move again any time soon.  As I wrote that I felt like I was jinxing it and condemning myself to move again in 2013.  Nooooooo!!!!!!
• Having my car stolen.  I still can't quite believe it actually happened.
• The slight (meaning major) nervous breakdown I had early in October.  It was the perfect storm of events and circumstances that caused me to question every single thing in my life; not eat, sleep or bathe for a while; and watch an excessive number of episodes of Roseanne.  Very glad that it's over and that there were people around that I could lean on for support.  On the other hand, it was this event that led me to make my plans for Dublin and London because I needed something to look forward to, so I can't complain too much!
• Being in Paris and having massive blood blisters on the bottoms of my feet that caused excruciating pain with every step I took.  I had to pad and tape my feet every day, but then it would all just come off with all the walking around.  :(  
• My client being diagnosed with cancer and the subsequent treatment.  Taking her to radiation every single day for weeks on end was definitely one of the lowest of the low moments of the year.  And I wasn't even the one with cancer! 

I know I'm forgetting many things but these are the things that immediately came to mind.  There were so many other awesome events, people and moments throughout the year and also several other really crappy moments, but all in all, I consider 2012 to be a success.  I have learned much and experienced much and I am ending the year feeling more content and secure with myself and my life than ever before.  Thanks for reading and being part of my journey!

It's a sick and twisted place.

Here are some of the things that go through my mind on a regular basis:

• No, I can't follow (famous person) on Twitter because if we ever meet and become friends, I don't want him/her to think I've been stalking him/her.  
• I should sell all of my belongings and become a wandering gypsy.
• I should find a job where I can work from home so that my transition to being a hermit will be complete.
• I so don't like people.
• I need to be more sociable.
• Dude.
• What if all of the lies I've told suddenly came true?  
• How long can I go without doing laundry before I run out of clean underwear?
• I wonder if someone's peeping in the window at me.
• What the hell is the matter with you?  (This could be referring to myself or others.)
• Put down the book!  You do not need to buy any more books!
• Where is Veronica Mars when you need her?  
• That is the most obnoxious child I have ever seen in my life.
• I've got them so fooled.  If they only knew . . .  
• You're a moron.
• Really?
• I really need to take the trash out.  Eh, I'll do it later.
• I really need to shave my legs.  Eh, I'll do it later.
• I'd do him.

Things I'm pondering

• I'm feeling antsy again.  I think I need a hobby.  I don't really do anything crafty.  I like to cook, but don't have anyone to cook for or the money to buy any fancy ingredients.  Maybe I should take a community class or something.  
• I really need to find a way to get my staff to (for lack of a better way to say it) give a shit.  We're a not for profit, so what we can pay them per hour is based on what the government will pay, which means not much.  How do I motivate people to do a good job when they don't make much money?  I keep thinking they must care at least a little bit considering they could probably make more money at McDonald's, but I know that when I'm not there, most of them sit around and do nothing.  
• I think I might be emotionally unavailable.
• I keep thinking that maybe I should go back to school, but I think it's just because I'm bored.
• I'm finding it difficult to bond with my clients here like I did with my clients in Wyoming.  I feel like I need to find a way to form better relationships with them.  Until I do, I don't think I'm giving them the best care that I'm capable of. 

So . . . anyone have any suggestions?

Sigh.

It's happening again. I'm feeling antsy. I need a change. I'm on vacation in California right now and getting some distance from Wyoming has made me realize that I don't really want to go back, but I don't know if I don't want to go back to the job or the state. I definitely want to go back for the people and the scenery. Maybe I just need to change my hair color or rearrange my bedroom. I don't know. I went through this a couple weeks ago and was trying to decide if I wanted to move back to Salt Lake or stay in Wyoming and I decided on Wyoming, but now I'm not sure. There was a job factor that was making all the difference, but now I don't know if I want to deal with the job factor. I don't know what I want. Sigh. I know, my life is super difficult-I live in a gorgeous place, I have awesome friends, and I am gainfully employed. What's a girl to do!?! Anyone have any suggestions? Please, solve my life's problems for me in the comment section!

thoughts

• I have so few Facebook friends that it would be sad to lose any, however, every time I log on I want to delete people based solely upon the number of times they update their status each day.
  
• I went to a class on autism this week and it's pretty fascinating. I plan on doing a lot more studying up about it. Now I have to go and teach all of the staff I work with about it.
• The place I work was having a yard sale as a fundraiser, so I went through all my stuff and got rid of quite a few things. Why does it look like I haven't even made a dent?
  
• Have you seen the new show, "Roseanne's Nuts"? I love me some Roseanne. She's crazy, but in a good way.
  
• What is everyone thinking about this season of So You Think You Can Dance? I haven't been feeling it so much this season. There are a couple of people I like, but I'm not really connecting with anyone. It's all just kinda meh to me.
• I heard last week that the first snow is predicted for six weeks from now (or rather, from last week). Upon hearing this news, I vomited a little in my mouth.
• One of my best friends always says "To be truthfully honest . . . " Is there any other kind of honesty?
  

This gave me chills

Note to self

• Do not tell any resident of Wyoming and/or Idaho that you thought an elk was a male deer. They will laugh at you. (In my defense, I don't come from an outdoorsy family. While all of y'all were out hunting and spending time in the great outdoors, I was going to museums and historical sites.)
• While it may be exciting to see the egg come out of the chicken's butt, it will make you never want to eat an egg ever again. Next time look away.
• It is never a good idea to kill time at Target. It is also impossible to just buy one or two things there.
  
• If a guy sticks his tongue in your mouth try really hard to not think of Ron puking up slimy slugs in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
• Asking about a person's tattoo is a great way to get a quiet person talking.
  
• Clothes can be washed-the love and snuggles of a muddy dog are priceless.
  
• Eat all the vegetables you want, there's still nothing better than a good steak.
• Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy. Sometimes you have to make up a story about a co-worker falling and breaking her leg.
  

To my nieces and nephew

My little nephew, T-Dub, turned one yesterday. This got me thinking about how fast time goes by and how my nieces are growing up so fast and how I just want to stop time, but I can't. So instead of trying to acknowledge his birthday in a way that a one year-old couldn't care less about (ie a phone call or a card or yet another toy), I decided to type up my best bits of advice. These apply to both him and my nieces and these are things I've mostly had to learn the hard way. This is long, but here goes . . .

1. Practice maintaining eye contact with people. It makes it seem like you’re really listening to them, even if you’re not. Good eye contact also makes it seem like you’re telling the truth when you’re not.
2. Junior High sucks. Anyone who tells you otherwise is clearly on drugs.
3. High School will most likely suck too. Anyone who tells you otherwise has been out of school long enough to have forgotten. Or they’re on drugs.
4. You don’t have to be what or who people think you are. Create your own expectations.
5. Just because your parents believe something doesn’t mean you have to as well.
6. Read. Well-read people are far more interesting than people who spend their time watching tv.
7. Focus on spirituality instead of religion. Doing so will save your sanity.
8. The world doesn’t revolve around you and while you may be special to your own family, you aren’t special in the big picture that is the rest of the world. This may sound harsh, but once you understand this, it will give you freedom. The world will not come crashing down based upon a choice that you make.
9. People don’t pay attention to you nearly as much as you think they do. Fortunately (or hopefully) this means they won’t remember all the stupid and/or embarrassing things you do.
10. Don’t try to be cool. Just try to be a good person.
11. The ability to carry on a decent conversation with anyone, regardless of how little you have in common, is priceless.
12. Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Even if you drop out of school in the fourth grade, proper grammar and spelling will make it seem as though you have received a good education.
13. Never be afraid to ask for what you want. You won’t always get it, but sometimes you’ll be surprised.
14. Thank you goes a long way. Always, always say thank you to cashiers, waiters, receptionists, etc.
15. Sometimes things don’t go the way you planned. This is a good thing. Much like being well read, life experience makes you a much more interesting person. Whenever things in my life are crazy, I just think about how it will make a great story someday.
16. Learn to take a compliment graciously and even though it’s hard, believe it when people tell you nice things about yourself. Don’t believe it when they say mean things; chances are, the person is just insecure.
17. Be yourself. It is refreshing to be around a person about whom what you see is what you get. Pretending to be something you’re not is exhausting and not worth it. Some people won’t like you for you, but that’s o.k. You don’t have to be best friends with everybody.
18. Always ask yourself “What’s the worst that can happen?” If the answer doesn’t involve jail, death or permanent injury to yourself or another, then do it. It may turn out to have not been the best decision you could have made, but it was your decision and you won’t be left wondering what would have happened.
19. Try not to lose your imagination. Most adults are really boring because they don’t believe in things like fairies and trolls and goblins. Just because a grown up says something isn’t real doesn’t mean you can’t believe in it.
20. The movies are not real life. Don’t believe in Hollywood’s version of anything. Don’t believe in their version of love. Don’t believe in how they tell you that you should look. Certainly don’t follow their example of how to behave. Think of Hollywood like it’s an animal at the zoo. It’s o.k. to look at it through the glass and think wow, that’s kind of cool. Maybe you can even tap on the glass to get the animal to come closer, but you never want to be on the other side because it stinks in there and sometimes animals eat their own pooh. Blindly following Hollywood’s standards is like eating your own pooh. It’s gross; don’t do it.

how technology has ruined me

• My attention span is teetering on the verge of extinction. If your story is longer than the length of a sound bite, I lose interest.
  
• I asked a friend the other day how he knew this other person and he said "Through my friend, Hunter." I assumed he was referring to some new social networking site called myfriendhunter.com. He was not.
• As I'm going about my day, I always have my own personal soundtrack going in my head like on The Hills.
• It used to be that the first thing I did when I woke up was go to the bathroom. Not any longer. Now I pick up the laptop laying on the floor and before I even get out of bed, I check my email.
  
• Checking my email is also the very last thing I do before going to sleep. See that list of books I've read this year that's over on the sidebar of my blog? It's never updated because I never read before going to bed anymore.
  
• My thoughts now come in 140 characters or less, despite the fact that I never update my Twitter.
  
• Nothing happens without me thinking about how I can turn it into a blog entry.

There's been research that says that the brains of today's children are being wired differently than ours were, due to today's technology. I'm pretty sure that my brain is starting to rewire itself as well and that's a little frightening!

a quote

"Never explain. Everyone is far too full of their own private worries and fears. They'll take you for granted as long as you just seem sure of yourself. It's a great mistake ever to say anything when you needn't."

I saw this quote from Agatha Christie on Facebook and I think it needs to become my new life philosophy. I don't know if you've noticed, but I tend to feel the need to explain everything, even if it's something that wouldn't have been noticed had I not decided to explain it. I would explain further, but I'll just leave it at that. :)

Need advice! What are your thoughts?

I read on a friend's blog tonight that she deactivated her Facebook account, which is something I've been debating doing for a while now. Here are my reasons:

1. I waste way too much time on it.
2. Being friends on Facebook is not the same thing as keeping in touch with someone.
3. People who I actually like and want to keep in touch with, more often than not, also have blogs, so I'm getting the same info from two different sources.
4. If you are one of these people, odds are I value you enough to keep in touch with you in "real life" and not just through Facebook. Or at least I should, which is not to say that I do. Maybe if I didn't know your every move through Facebook, I would actually keep in touch. Like in a person-to-person manner, which has become an oddly foreign concept.
5. It's so much more fun to get together with people when you don't already know everything that's been going on in their lives. It kind of limits conversational topics when you do.
   

Here are my concerns:

1. No one will remember my birthday ever again.
2. I'll never remember anyone else's birthday ever again.
3. How will I procrastinate?
4. I won't know big news instantaneously.
5. If someone asks me if I'm on Facebook, what am I supposed to say that doesn't make me sound like a loser? But then again, maybe NOT being on Facebook will be the new cool thing, and I'll be ahead of the curve.
   
6. There are actually several people who I keep in touch with solely through Facebook, like my cousin's friend in Georgia who I need to also be my friend if I do move to Georgia. (I also like her as a person, I'm not just using her!) And also friends from childhood. I suppose I could just get their e-mail addresses, but that's so 2005.
   
7. I won't ever see anyone's pictures.

So what does everyone think? If you aren't currently on Facebook (Em and Betsy), why not and how do you survive without knowing what everyone is doing every second of every day? If you are on Facebook, do you think you could survive without it? Does anyone want to try like a week-long Facebook fast with me, just to see if we can do it? Is this just pure insanity? I mean how many years did we survive without Facebook, blogs, etc.? I don't recall having any problems and thinking to myself, you know, I would really like to know every thought and feeling of everyone I have ever been acquainted with. So . . . what do you think? Thoughts, comments, criticisms?

you didn't get mad when . . .

Saw this on a blog and thought it was interesting. I don't agree with all of it, but I like the general gist of it.



You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion (and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when you saw the Abu Ghraib photos.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.

This morning I was wakened by an alarm clock run on electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the US Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I got into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads build by the local, state, and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposited any mail I had to be sent out via the US Postal Service and dropped the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again did not kill me because of the USDA, I drove my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which had not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshal’s inspection, and which had not been plundered of all its valuables, thanks to the local police department.

I then logged on to the internet, which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and posted on freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can’t do anything right.

I swear . . .

I find it interesting that people are taking the passing of the healthcare bill as a sign that Jesus is coming. How many other countries in the world have universal healthcare? Apparently Jesus only cares about what happens in the United States and will base his triumphant return upon what happens here and only here. I can't imagine why Americans are thought of as arrogant! And what's even more arrogant is that as I typed that, I seriously thought "Now watch, Jesus will come back just to spite me because I wrote that." Yeah, because Jesus cares about my blog!

this hurts my heart

So remember when I said I wanted to unfriend someone on Facebook because of the non-stop political commentary? Well, this is what greeted me when I logged on to Facebook today . . .


I don't know if I have words for how f*cked up that is. No matter what my personal beliefs on this issue may be, I would never NEVER presume to judge someone who has to make that decision. I would venture to say that women who have to make this choice don't do so lightly, and they certainly don't need your condemnation. I don't understand people who think that shaming another person will make them believe what you believe. And I'm going to go ahead and stop there before I get all riled up and start bringing other issues (religion) into it.

One more . . .

Is it bad that when I stumble upon the blog of a guy who I had a mad crush on in high school, but who never acknowledged my presence, and I find that he really has not aged well, it makes me happy and I do a happy little jig in my mind?

Is it bad that . . .

• I want to delete a Facebook friend because I'm sick of the incessant political commentary?
• I can't fully get behind this new Haiti-fied version of We Are the World because it opens with Justin Bieber? I can get past the rap section, but I can't get past the Bieber.
  
• I actually liked When in Rome?
• I refuse to believe that male ice skaters are straight? Most male pairs skaters and ice skaters from China, Russia and any Eastern bloc country are an exception, but even then, are still under suspicion.
  

thoughts and stuff

• My Felicity/Miley Cyrus motivation is officially gone.
• This season of Celebrity Rehab is awesome. Officially the best (meaning most drama-filled) ever. If you don't watch it, I would highly recommend that you check it out. It can be watched on Vh1 or online here.
• So do you remember that 8 am class that I stayed in because the teacher was hot? Yeah, well the more I get up early, the less attractive he becomes.
• I added my book list to the sidebar again, so if you want to see what I've been reading, you can check it out there.
• I'm currently rereading a memoir about these people that buy/renovate a place in France. It talks about food a lot, specifically meat, butter and cheese. This does not make my life any easier.
• I've seen a couple of good movies lately-Up in the Air and The Lovely Bones. Up in the Air was fabulous, I highly recommend it. I think it's probably the best movie I've seen lately. My parents really liked it too, as did the rest of the audience, almost all of which seemed to be geriatric. It must have just been the time of day I went that drew in the more mature crowd. The Lovely Bones was pretty good, but if you're a fan of the book, I think it's best that you go in with fairly low expectations. Stanley Tucci was awesome; he was beyond creepy in it.
  
• Did anyone watch the Golden Globes? I cheered when Glee and The Hangover won. BTW, I just bought The Hangover and it just gets more and more funny each time I see it.
• You may have noticed, but I changed the feed settings so that you have to actually click onto my blog to read the post. This is only temporary.

That's all.

apologies, but not really

I've really been a slacker blogger lately. A slogger, if you will. I feel like I'm rebelling a little bit because things happen and I'll think that I should blog about it, but then I don't want to because I don't want to feel obligated to do so. But at the same time, I like to blog. So yeah. I'll try to be better, but only so long as it doesn't irritate me.

the righteousness rat race

Today in New Testament we discussed the clean/unclean aspects of the miracles Jesus performed and some of the stories that are told in Matthew. We talked about how the Law of Moses compartmentalized everything into being either clean or unclean and if you touched something that was unclean (lepers, dead people, things having to do with death, bodily fluids, etc.), that impurity was then transferred to you and you would have to then purify yourself. But despite all this, Jesus went out of his way to touch unclean people and spend time with those who were seen as unclean or sinners.

So then, if Jesus focused his time and efforts on the "sinners" and unclean, what does it really mean to be Christlike? Do we get too caught up in being righteous and following the letter of the law that we forget to love and embrace the people who could most use it? I think too often we reach out to people because it's what we're supposed to do, not because we actually care. There were many times as a teenager that I felt like I was the Young Women's service project but there were also times when certain people reached out to me and made a difference, all because I felt like they genuinely cared about me; I wasn't just a good deed to cross off their to do list. Religion shouldn't be a rat race to see who is the most righteous. We shouldn't avoid people who are "unclean" for fear they'll rub off on us.

I see things like this a lot with addicts. We tend to do bad things and we'll be the first to admit that, but I can pretty much guarantee you that if you try to spend time with us, we're not going to hold you down and inject heroin into your veins or make you smoke a crack pipe. The thing that most helps me when I'm dealing with someone who has issues is to realize that events in their lives helped make them that way. No one just decides one day to start doing drugs or randomly sleep around or go steal a car. Chances are they've spent a good part of their lives feeling like they weren't good enough in some way (not to mention, of course, serious issues like abuse, addicted parents, etc.). So why on earth would you treat someone like a project or look down on them when all they want is to be loved? Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love! (Sorry, Moulin Rouge was just on t.v.)

Don't worry that I'm completely horrible at this. I think my motives for doing things are suspect a good bit of the time and I'm sure that comes across in my actions. So I guess my question would be is this a case where you fake it til you make it, despite the fact that people can see right through you? Or should you not do certain things because because they're fake? I know that feeling like I was being treated like a service project did a whole lot more harm than good, but would I rather have just been ignored? There's got to be a balance in there somewhere, right? If you can figure out where that balance lies, please let me know!

thoughts

I was watching tv earlier and saw two commercials that kinda bugged me. The first one was for UNICEF, which is a wonderful organization. However, this commercial basically consisted of beautiful people (celebrities) talking about or holding up photos of beautiful children. Are there no ugly starving children? Or do we just not help them? Do you think there are people out there who send their donation in, get their little letter and picture and when they see the child isn't cute, send it back and ask for another one? Like "Sorry, this child has a cleft palate. Don't you have a cute little kid whose picture I can stick on the fridge so I can feel good about my $20 donation?"

The next commercial was for something fabulous I'm sure, but I was too distracted by the fact that it was about a woman who not only does the Iditarod dog race, but is also blind. That's wonderful and she deserves all the praise in the world, but honestly, I'm pretty below-average in achievements and I don't need it rubbed in my face. My achievements are usually things like bathing and leaving the house on days when I don't have school/work. And if I'm completely honest, other than Sundays, that pretty much never happens. So really, if you want me to purchase your product or inspire me in some way, you should probably lower the bar. Like way lower the bar.