introspectiveness

I went to Beth's house last night for a little girls only fun. Good friends, good food and interesting chit-chatting always make for a good time! Things we will never mention again: the Haunted Mansion, jacuzzi jet tubs, and vaginal dryness cream.


I woke up feeling a bit introspective this morning. Hanging out with married and procreating LDS friends always does this to me. Plus I've been hitting up the LDS Singles sites waaaay too much lately. I need to find a real person to go out on a date with. Not that these guys on the websites aren't real people, but they're pretty much whoever they want to be because it's all very anonymous.

I'm afraid that I am getting too settled into my singleness. I'm starting to get the attitude of I don't need someone to support me, I don't need someone to complete me, blah, blah, blah, I'm just fine on my own, thank you very much! But I don't know if I have that attitude because I'm trying to convince myself or because that's how I really feel. I think if I beat myself over the head with it enough times it'll sink in and I won't feel so lonely.

I realize I'm only 27, which is technically still a youngin', but it's really not in the Mormon world. We're commanded and raised to believe that we get married and have kids. That's our job. That's all I have ever wanted; that's all I ever tried to prepare for growing up (well, minus a few drug-hazed years). But I feel like now all of a sudden I have to shift my focus from that to "I'd better make sure I can support myself because you never know what could happen." But I don't want to support myself, I say in a whiney voice. I'm still clinging to the marriage and family ideal, but it's like my fingers are slipping off the life raft. Should I just let go?

Well, this turned out to be a downer post. Sorry about that. Actually, I'm not sorry, because it's my blog and I can say whatever I want! Can I tell you something else that kind of bugs me? Good, 'cause I'm going to. I know plenty of good, single guys, but none of them have ever shown the least bit of interest. These are people who know me, know my family, we're all friends, but I guess I've never been taken seriously as a potential anything. That kind of hurts my feelings just a little bit. I don't think I'm repulsive or anything. So how do I let these guys know that I'm interested without making it all awkward if they aren't? That, my dear readers, is the question.