this afternoon

This afternoon was kind of a downer. Ty's mom, Lisa, didn't have much time to visit with us on Monday, but wanted us to come back again, so we stopped by today. We ended up going over to the mortuary to see Ty because we weren't going to be around Friday for the funeral. It was weird. He didn't look how I remember him. He was really swollen, clean-shaven (that was the first time I had ever seen him not scruffy), and all of his piercings had been taken out. And he was just so lifeless. I know, he's dead, and dead people tend to be lifeless. That didn't make it any less weird. I'm kind of glad that he didn't look like himself. The whole way over there I just kept praying that I would be able to hold it together. If he had looked like the big ole puppy dog of a guy I know, I would not have been o.k. And now my last memory of him isn't so much him lying in a casket because it just didn't seem like him. I don't know. It's all still very surreal.

We were going to go home tomorrow because Lorri had to work Friday, but she found people to cover her shifts so we can stay for the funeral. I'm really glad we'll be able to be here for it. The last funeral I went to was my Uncle Soren's and it was sad, but not overly sad because he was old. He lived his life; his wife had been gone for years already, etc. This won't be the first funeral I've gone to of someone my age, and I'm sure it won't be the last. They are definitely a different kind of funeral. It makes you think about why you're still here and they're not. You think about how you're not so different from each other and if you're not careful, it could be you. And you wonder just what it is you're supposed to be doing with your life. Or maybe I'm just doing too much thinking!