He's Just Not That Into You

If you haven't seen this movie, STOP RIGHT HERE! I'm about to ruin it for you.


So I suspected going into this movie that I would probably end up being irritated, and I was beyond right. I don't think there was a single character who didn't irritate me at some point. Here are my thoughts:

• Jennifer Aniston: Really, Jen? Really. Your message to women out there appears to be that if you really love someone enough, you will lower your standards and forget about what you've wanted your whole life. But make sure you only give up your dreams and settle if you really, really love the person.
• Ginnifer Goodwin: This was probably the character that pissed me off and made me cringe the most. The whole movie is spent setting up these mythical rules that you must follow, but then in Ginnifer's case, if you completely ignore them all and continue to act like a psycho, you will be the exception that the movie (and the book) say that you won't be, and get the guy who, mind you, is a complete jerk and you probably shouldn't want in the first place.
• Scarlett Johansson: Way to be a skank. Do you really want to be with someone who will so easily cheat on his wife? Because I'm sure he won't eventually do THE EXACT SAME THING to you in the end! And BTW, when she was in the closet while the guy she was seeing (i.e. sleeping with) was getting it on with his wife, she probably should have just walked out and been like "Hey, your husband's a jerk."
• Jennifer Connelly: This character was slightly reminiscent of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. I was seriously waiting for the bunny in the soup pot. "I won't be ignored, Ben! I know you're secretly smoking!" It couldn't be that he's secretly smoking because you're SUCH A SHREW. And dude tells you he's cheating on you and then you get all bummed when he says he's going to move out? Really? 'Cause that reaction would have been slightly more appropriate when he said he slept with someone else.
• Kevin Connolly: Wanna know why Scarlett doesn't like you? Because you're a jerk. And maybe a little bit because you're only like four feet tall. And possibly because you aren't already married, but that's beside the point.
  
• Ben Affleck: Are you seriously going to date/live with this woman for seven years and then be all shocked when she wants to get married? And when you go crawling back to her, trying to be the hero in her time of need, is it really because you love her or because you're sick of living on your stupid, little boat? And are you really all proud of yourself for hanging a picture on the wall . . . three weeks later??? Kudos to you for being on top of that.
• Bradley Cooper: What a man. Way to own up to cheating on your wife . . . in the middle of HOME DEPOT! I guess the laminate flooring was just too much for you and you couldn't keep it in anymore. And "I've never felt this way about someone before," is not a valid excuse for cheating on your wife. Wanna know why? Because there is no valid excuse for cheating on your wife.
• Justin Long: Some girl, who you knew all along was psycho, goes all extra-psycho on you and tells you off and now you're all of a sudden in love with her? Are we supposed to think you're all sweet now because you've all of a sudden seen the error of your ways and are going to change? Me thinks not.
  

Wow, I feel so much better now! Thanks for reading my little rant!