Please tell me it gets better.

I broke it off with dude tonight and to say he was pissed is the understatement of the year. I didn't even like the guy and the insults he was hurling my way were completely ridiculous, but it still kinda sucks. I'm tired of being alone, but I also refuse to lower my standards, so I'm kind of at a stalemate here. I'm also pissed off that I feel like something is wrong with me since I'm a couple months away from being 30 and I'm still single. This is not abnormal! The religion I was brought up in has brainwashed me to think (among other things) that there's something wrong with this scenario, but there really isn't! (Yes, I did just state my opinion on the Mormon church in a vague and roundabout way. Sorry if that offends you.) So please . . . tell me it gets better. Tell me that not all guys are jerks and that I will eventually find someone, even though I live in an area where there are more cows than available men. Also, if you could please tell me that I am the better person for not having the last word with this guy, that would really help.

I'm just not that into you.

I would like to apologize in advance-this post is probably going to make me sound like a horrible human being. I have accepted this about myself and, in fact, have come to embrace it. So here goes . . .

Signs that I'm just not that into you:

• I lose my phone or forget it at home a lot. (Yeah right, that thing is practically glued to my thumbs!)
  
• I answer your texts with carefully worded responses that do not require a further response on your part.
  
• I use lots of noncommittal phrases such as "We'll see." and "That's a possibility." My favorite is "We shall see . . . we shall see."
  
• You initiate most of our conversations.
  
• Everything I say is very general and in no way specific to you.
• When you try to hold my hand, I give your hand a little squeeze, then have to dig around in my pockets for something or I suddenly need a sip of my drink.

Reasons why I'm just not that into you:

• You text me stupid questions like "Have ya been thinking about me today?" Um . . . do you really want me to answer that?
  
• Even after I text you carefully worded responses that do not require any further response on your part, you still keep texting me.
  
• You are unable to spell basic words. Now and how are not spelled with an a.
• Your favorite tv show is Two and a Half Men.
  
• You keep offering to buy me things, and that kind of makes me feel like a prostitute.
• Even though you claim you have no problem with gay people, you don't really want any of them around you. Unless, of course, you have been forewarned that there might be homosexuals in the vicinity. Then you're good. It's just when they pop up out of nowhere that it's an issue.
  
• I'm happy for you that you go to the gym almost every night, but I don't really need to hear your gym experience described as including sweat, muscles and panting. That doesn't sound sexy, it sounds gross. And then when you add in throbbing muscles, it just makes me laugh at your attempt at sexy talk.

Reasons why I'm momentarily overlooking all of the previous items:

• I really, really like it when you play with my hair for an hour and a half straight, even though your wrist is quite obviously hurting.
  
• I live in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming; there really isn't much else to do.

update on my downfall

It was brought to my attention that my last post sounded kind of b*tchy. There was actually more to the story that was causing me concern than just that he sent me flowers on Valentine's Day, but tonight I realized that perhaps I'm projecting lingering issues from a past relationship onto this guy, and that's probably not fair. We cleared up some confusion over certain issues and we'll see where things go from here.

my downfall

So I got flowers for Valentine's Day today from this guy who seems to be very nice and at least semi-normal. You would think this would be a good thing, right? It's not. I already felt like this guy was clingy, and now I just plain feel smothered. I think my independent nature is going to be the downfall of my love life. I just really don't feel the need to account for what I'm doing all the time. It's not even in a demanding way, just a hey, whatcha up to kind of a way. And I don't need a good morning text every day. And I don't want to talk about hypothetical future plans with someone I barely know. And I don't need to be repeatedly called gorgeous (or, in his spelling-disabled way, geirgous). And I really don't want to snuggle. I am not a snuggly person. It takes a lot for me to even hug someone and when I do, it's usually a one armed, pat on the back kind of a hug. I've just realized that I'm the guy in this situation, and dude is the stage 5 clinger! Hahahaha!!! O.k., now that's kind of funny! I think I'm going to die alone.

questionnaire

I copied this from another blog and there is no number 29. Maybe this other person didn't like the question or something.


1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have a scar between my thumb and finger on my left hand. When I was 2 or 3 I was trying to cut an orange with a sharp knife and instead stabbed myself.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM A calendar, family photos, a quilt, and a wooden thingy I got in Peru that has necklaces hanging on it.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? If I fall asleep on my back, I snore and I've always talked (and done other things) in my sleep.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? A little bit of everything. The only thing I really don't like is heavy metal.

5. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN? I think it was around 2:30 am.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? Sappy answer-a family. More realistic answer-a chai latte from Starbucks. Most unrealistic answer-a million dollar gift certificate with which to buy books on Amazon.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? My family and dogs. Possibly not in that order! Ooh, and warm weather!

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? I can't think of a most prized possession. I guess if I had to grab one thing if the house was on fire, it would be my laptop because it basically has my life on it, including family photos.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'6"

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? No

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Yes. This is why I don't watch scary movies. I have a very active imagination.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Oprah and her new sister.

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? That my parents will become mentally or physically incapacitated and need caretaking. Or that something will happen to my nieces or nephew.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON PEOPLE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO? No preference. My only request would be if the guy has blond hair, that he not grow one of those weird flesh-colored beards. They're creepy.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING? I'm pretty sure I won't be the one doing that.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Cheese, cheese and more cheese.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Thanks to the previous question, I'm now in the mood for pizza.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? Purple.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? Um . . . no. Why would I do that?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? Nothing really comes to mind.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? Try like 50! If we're not including celebrities, then maybe 2ish.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? Yes, my fingertips bend. That is double jointed, right? Or does it just mean I'm freakish?!?

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Old Navy

25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY? No overwhelming preference for either.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? My dog lives with my parents, so not really. Although if I could steal my neighbor's dog and have them not notice, I would do it in a heartbeat.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT? The dog that lives with my parents is an Australian Shepherd. The neighbor's dog is a Great Dane.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I would probably try really hard not to, but in the end, yes.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? I don't want to.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Neither.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?

"I have sought rest everywhere, and have found it nowhere, save in a little corner, with a little book."
-- Thomas à Kempis

33. FAVORITE PLACE? My bed.

peeping tom #2

Peeping Tom!

It was warm (relatively speaking) over the weekend and all the snow slid off the roof. Right outside of the kitchen is where the most snow piles up because two slopes dump their snow right there. Saidy, the neighbor's dog (who Lorri refers to as my child), has taken advantage of this and here is what I discovered when I looked out the kitchen window this afternoon . . .

the big date

So remember how I was complaining because I had a possible date for last Saturday, but I ended up having to work? Well, I found someone else to work, so the date was on. Things didn't really go as I had imagined they would. It turned out to not so much be an actual date as it was this dude was just dropping by to meet me and if I proved to be acceptable, maybe in the future there would be a real date. That was problem number one. Problem number two was that he showed up in coveralls and mud boots and he looked like Grizzly Adams. Problem number three was that we had only slightly more in common than Hitler and Gandhi do. For example, he doesn't watch t.v. Crazy, right?!? I mean really! Really!! We actually ended up talking for about three hours, during which time I learned the following:

• Goats have a really thick skull in front, so when you kill them you have to shoot this one spot on the side where the skull isn't. If you just shoot them straight through the forehead, it'll only stun them and they'll keep popping back up.
• When you are hunting, the meat will taste less "gamey" if you don't run the animal. If you just sneak up on it and shoot it, it won't release hormones and sweat and stuff, which changes the taste.
• You can get some kind of chip or something to make your car have more horsepower. This is a good thing because the more horsepower you have, the more of a man you are.
• UFOs fly around Area 51 all the time and Big Foot is real.
  

I'm sure I learned more, but I'm still processing the whole experience, so I'll have to report back on it later. Oh, and one other thing . . . if you use the phrase "I'm not racist, but . . ." multiple times when referring to different ethnic groups, you might just be racist.

so dramatic

I feel unsettled and anxious. This is not good. When I feel this way I start to think and question things and want to make changes. Nothing good has ever come from a decision I've made while feeling like this. And I don't know why I feel this way. I think it's partly because I have discovered that a relationship is not what I thought it was. And maybe partly because I am finding that I am not willing to do some things that are expected of me. And also a little bit because my work schedule is such that I have far too much alone time.

It is always unsettling when you find out that the relationship you have with someone is possibly not what you thought it was. What makes it really suck is when you find this out through information that wasn't meant for your eyes. This means you can't question the person about it without bringing up the fact that you read something that was supposed to be anonymous. And I'm probably over-analyzing what happened (ha! imagine that!) and taking it the wrong way, but that doesn't change the fact that now I'm wondering if things are not what I think they are with other people as well. Maybe I don't have people figured out quite like I think I do.

Someone has asked, or rather told me, that I need to do certain things, and this person is holding future opportunities over my head if I don't do these things. It's nothing horrible, but it's definitely stuff that I think is unnecessary and I don't want to do it. I think that it will turn me into someone I don't want to be. I have already dabbled in this endeavor and was far from pleased with the outcome.

I work from 4 until midnight, Monday through Friday. My roommate works pretty much the exact opposite shift as I do. We're lucky to see each other for about an hour each day. I know very few people in the area and am not sure how to go about meeting people, given the hours that I am available during the day. This means I spend all day by myself. It's never good to have that much time on your own. Or at least for me it's not. Normally I would have the weekends to go do things, but it seems like we're always short staffed, so I end up working part of the weekend. And my roommate has her daughter, who is disabled, at the house most weekends, which I love, but it also means we don't really go anywhere. And I think people here are all kind of in hibernation for the winter. Everything closes earlier in the winter and it's dark and cold and snowy, so really, why would you even want to leave the house? So I guess the rambling of this paragraph can be summed up by saying I'm a wee bit lonely.

Alright, so there's my little pity party, written out for everyone to read. I'm going to try to go ahead and get over myself now. :)

some stuff and some grrrrs

• My friend, Emily, came up for the weekend and we spent most of the time up in Jackson, seeing as how there's pretty much nothing to do where I live. Jackson was fun, though. We ate some good food and did some good shopping. At one store we did both. There's this cool new place called Vom Fass that sells flavored vinegars, oils, and spices. Jars with spigots line the walls, and you can taste whatever you want in cute little miniature Asian soup spoons. I bought several vinegars and have spent the last couple days dipping lettuce leaves in vinegar. It makes me feel very cool to have specialty vinegars. It's the little things.
• I just colored my hair again. The color I used is Chocolate Cherry, which sounds like an African-American-themed porn to me. Bow chicka bow wow!
  
• I'm getting a little tired of picking up extra shifts at work. I had a date tentatively lined up for Saturday, but because we are neverendingly short staffed, guess who has to work on Saturday! My boss keeps saying we have to make do until we can find a new employee. I didn't realize that making do was secret code for "You are a peon and as such, you have to work everything that no one else will work, which, by the way, is everything involving a weekend. So pretty much say good-bye to any little shred of hope you had left of having a social life." At least I'm the lead peon, though, right?!? I can't decide if that makes it better or worse. Oh, and all of those people in my company who complain all the time about wanting extra hours, but then will never work extra hours if it's a weekend, are little bitches. (I would apologize for the unladylike language, but I feel no remorse whatsoever.)
  
• I'm off the meat again. I am now taking spirulina for protein. It's algae and it's 60-70% protein, verses the 22% protein content in meat. It comes in powder form and is a gorgeous dark green color. Unfortunately it smells like pond scum. Fortunately, it doesn't taste like pond scum if you add it to carrot juice or Vitamin Water. Unfortunately, it does taste like pond scum if you burp within a couple hours of drinking it.
• I swore I would never be the kind of person that wears Uggs. They're far too trendy and really, they're pretty unattractive. I've been sucked into their web of fugly comfiness, though, and they're all I wear now. My reasoning for succumbing is threefold: 1. They're really comfy, obvs. 2. They're really warm, which is of the utmost importance, here in the frozen tundra of Wyoming. 3. If I wear them under my pant legs instead of having the pants tucked into them, then you can't really see them. Oh wait, there are actually four reasons: 4. As long as I don't wear them with cut-off jean shorts to the gas station to buy Cheetos (with my nasty weave showing, btw), then I feel as though I'm rocking a much classier Ugg-look than Britney Spears, which is who I think of when I think of Uggs.
• I got an AeroGarden for Christmas. I like it a lot. I want like five more of them with which to grow other things since the growing season in Wyoming is about 3 days long.

double standard

I was listening to the song "Callin' Baton Rouge" by Garth Brooks the other day and for some random reason it struck me how if it were a girl singing the song, the message would be completely different. One of the lyrics is "stoppin' every hundred miles callin' Baton Rouge." Now when a guy does that, it's just as sweet and tender as can be because he's just oh, so in love with this girl. If a girl were to do that, though, it would mean she's a stalker. And then there's the line "And it won't be long until I'm with you all the time, But until then I'll spend my money up right down to my last dime callin' Baton Rouge." Telling someone that it won't be long until you're with them all the time is a little creepy to me. I feel like it should be followed by "because I'm a psycho who's going to break your ankles like Kathy Bates in Misery so that you can't escape me." And if you're just about out of money, then you should probably go ahead and stop calling me.

Failure!

I am once again failing at being a blogger. It's just that life is so darn busy, what with my grueling schedule of tv watching and online shopping. I've also started but not finished about 10 books. Oh wait no, that's a lie. I did finish one of them. Matched by Ally Condie. (Whose child I happened to teach in Primary. He was not one of the demon children, fortunately, or I would be forced to hate her book on principle.) So anyway, here's yet another bullet point themed blog post for your reading enjoyment:

• Pretty in Pink is on right now and I just had a WTF moment. I've always bitched about how Blane (That's a major appliance, that's not a name!) said "You said you couldn't be with someone who didn't believe in you. Well I believed in you. You just didn't believe in me" Well, apparently (according to the Bible of IMDb), he actually says "Well I believed in you. I just didn't believe in me." I guess that really would make more sense, but whatever.
  
• It's snowed like a foot here in the last 24 hours. When I checked the weather forecast on Friday, I swear it said an inch. I take consolation in the fact that we're almost through with two months of winter. Only five more to go!
  
• Lorri and I just watched the Oprah from a couple weeks ago where she goes back to a town in West Virginia where she did a show in 1987. The show was about a gay man who had AIDS and how he was treated by the town. It was really uncomfortable to watch how hateful those people were. I realize that back then we didn't know as much about the disease and how it was spread as we do now, but a lot of the hurtful comments were about the fact that the guy was gay. It always drives me crazy when people cite the Bible as a reason for being anti-gay. If we're going to go by what the Bible says, we should probably start stoning people again. Oh, and according to Mark, if you get divorced and then marry someone else, you've committed adultery. I wonder how many of those people were (and still are) on their first marriage.
• Remember a little while ago how I made a client cry twice because I made her do her laundry? Well, I managed to make her cry again. This time it was because she lied to me about eating Christmas candy. That makes me sound horrible. I didn't get mad at her or anything, she just felt really guilty and didn't want me to tell her mom. So really, in both incidents, I didn't make her cry, the consequences of her behavior made her cry. Somehow that still makes me sound horrible, doesn't it!
• Does anyone watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? (I'm slightly ashamed to admit that I do.) The last episode was cray cray!!! That psychic lady (I'm afraid to even say her name-she might put a hex on me or something) is truly insane. I won't ever be able to see a cigarette again without thinking of her creepily puffing away on her fake cigarette. I'm getting the heebie jeebies just thinking about her.
• I'm not usually a huge Kenny Chesney fan, but I can't get enough of this song:
  

• I'm also enjoying "Long Time Coming" by Delays. If you actually watch this video, can we please talk about how creepy twin children can be? For other examples, please see The Shining and, let's be honest, pretty much any Olsen twins movie.

• O.k., just one more song! Since I invited myself on my parent's trip to Ireland next summer, I've been watching Irish-themed movies (great excuse to watch The Boondock Saints again!!!) and one of my favorites is The MatchMaker. This song is in it and I can't stop listening to it. It's "Haunted" by Sinead O'Connor and Shane MacGowan (original lead singer of The Pogues).
  

a momentous event

I was described today as being perky. Did you ever think that word would be used to describe me? I told my mom and she was a bit skeptical. She just needs to not let the first 27 years of my life bias her opinion.

I've been reminiscing . . .

My favorite picture of all time. My mom and the grandkiddos.

Neti pot!!!


One of too many nights of insanity at Ryan's.


Yard sale at Amber and Tyler's. Don't know whose van that was, or why we were documenting our (their) butts for posterity.

After we went tubing under the road. Our version of tubing included a giant piece of cardboard instead of an actual tube. And mud. And not bothering to actually put on swim suits.


Me and little Melissa. I'm not sure why she doesn't have a shirt on.


My birthday 2005, after a little cake fight.


Trying to force niece number one to take a "nice" picture with Aunt Kimmie. President's Day Weekend 2007.

cheeriness

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

worst blogger ever

I don't know what's happened; I used to be so great at blogging! Sigh. I need some inspiration. Oh well, here are some nuggets:

• A client told me yesterday that she was going to send me to the Obama White House and have me taped to the Christmas tree there. I'm not entirely sure what she meant by that, but I don't think it was good.
• I made the same client cry twice later in the evening because I made her do her laundry. I should feel bad about this, but I don't.
• I have now gotten all of my coworkers but one hooked on Veronica Mars. I've also begun indoctrinating the clients as well. It's a sickness.
• I just bought a Berkshire Fluffie blanket and it's awesome. This is possibly too much information (not that that's ever stopped me before!), but I just want to wrap up in it naked because it feels that amazing. You need to get one.
• My new obsession is buying used movies off of Amazon. I can usually get them for about 4 bucks and since that's about how much it would cost to rent them at Blockbuster, I'm buying stuff I have and haven't seen. None of them fit in my PO box though, so the post office lady has to do her job and hand them off to me. I think she's getting irritated.
• Zack and Miri Make a Porno is on. I love Justin Long in this movie.

That's all I've got for now. Oh, and Cary, I know this will make your day-I've finally found my set of Table Topics, so start looking forward to more Q&A's!

Sarah Palin's Alaska

Are you watching Sarah Palin's Alaska on TLC on Sunday nights? I'm a little bitter about it. It has made me actually start to like Sarah Palin. Now I'm not saying I want her to run my country, but I am saying I would be pleased to continue to watch her club fish to death and then gut them.

the forecast

Nothing gets you in the mood for Thanksgiving like sub-zero temperatures!

what I've been up to

Um . . . not much. Here are some tidbits; some exciting, most not:

• We're doing a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend for the clients and their families. And when I say "we're doing a Thanksgiving dinner," I mean I'm coming in on my day off and will probably end up cooking most of it.
• The weather here has been crazy. Yesterday morning, I was awoken at 6:30 am by what sounded like someone in my attic. Turns out it was super windy and really warm (relatively speaking), so the snow was sliding off the roof. Then, like two hours later, there were blizzard-like conditions. You could only see a couple feet in front of you. Then it got warm again and most of the snow melted. Then it got super cold and all my car doors and windows froze shut.
• I just read sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling and it was so enjoyable that I read it in one evening whilst ignoring my clients.
• Did you guys watch the Sarah Palin Alaska extravaganza on TLC last Sunday? What were your thoughts? I liked it, other than the fact that I felt like she was turning every single thing she said into a sound bite. Like the part when she was talking about the mama bear fighting for the future generation, or whatever. I think I would have liked the show better if it had just been about Alaska, and not the Palins. :)
• I'm going to Ireland (and possibly England) next summer. I'm more excited for this trip than any other trip I've been on.
  
• I have become obsessed with cereal. It is delicious.
• I had an Aha Moment the other day when watching Oprah. It was the reunion show with the cast of The Color Purple, and as I was watching it I realized that my favorite color is purple and I was like holy crap! O.k., I didn't say it was a good Aha Moment, just that it was one!
• Have you tried the new Suave Rosemary Mint shampoo and conditioner? It's amazing. It was on sale at Smith's the other day for $1.33 and I bought like twelve of them. (In case you were wondering, no, we don't have a Smith's here. I got them when I was in Idaho Falls, which is possibly my least favorite city on earth.)
  

Seriously?

I think I have officially adjusted to life in Wyoming. I went outside this morning to go warm up the car and was amazed at how warm it was. Yeah, it's 17 degrees.