You know you're single and childless when . . .

You go to the grocery store and come home with the following:

• crab legs
• sushi
• ice
• guacamole
• pound cake
• fancy olives and cheese from the olive bar
• ice cream
• grapes

I need the following things ASAP

• A way to eliminate all political posts from my Facebook feed. 
• The willpower to walk into a cupcake store and buy just one cupcake.
• Someone to help me decorate my apartment without spending any money.
• More grapes.

thoughts and an update

• Remember my client that has cancer?  Well, we had a check-up with the surgeon yesterday to and . . . the tumor is gone!  Whoohoo!  We still have to do a CT scan to make sure it didn't spread, but thank the Lord, I think we're going to be ok!
• The surgeon we saw is a colon-rectal specialist.  How do you decide you want to spend your day poking, prodding and looking at people's butt holes?  I mean, seriously, he had to suction away poo before he could fully examine the tumor.  What kind of person wants to spend their day doing things like that?  In case you were wondering, he was definitely a little weird.  And he flat out lied to us.  My client was supposed to be sedated for the exam, but when we got there they said they couldn't do that.  The PA said the notes from the referring doctor said we would need sedation, but the PA didn't know where the miscommunication came from since they're not equipped to do that in the office.  Fine, whatever, mistakes and miscommunications happen, not a big deal.  I didn't appreciate it, though, that when the surgeon came in he totally pawned it off on the first doctor and said yeah, so and so didn't tell us she would need sedation.  Oh really?  That's funny, because your PA already told us it was in the notes that he did.  It's not even a big deal, but don't blame it on someone else, just say sorry about the miscommunication, let's see what we can do to make this easier without the sedation.  
• My poor dog, Lizzie, tore her ACL and is having surgery on Monday.  When my dad called to tell me about it I though he was going to say they were going to put her down and I immediately started crying and getting all dramatic because if they have to put Lizzie down, then it'll only be a matter of time before Darcy goes because because he'll be so lonely and he'll die of a broken heart and then we'll have two dead dogs.  Fortunately my dad had already decided to pay for the surgery and my sanity and the lives of our two dogs are safe again.  
• I hate it when I come to the last of an author's books.  When I find an author I really like I usually go read all of their books and get all obsessive about it, so it really sucks when there are no more new books.
• Why is it that books at the DI in Provo are so much more expensive than anywhere else?  The books that sell for one or two dollars at the DI closest to me are four and six dollars at the DI in Provo. 
• As I've been sitting here writing this, the tv show I was watching ended and Saved By the Bell came on.  I can't bring myself to change the channel.

mi familia

It seems like most of the time when I blog it's because I'm irritated about something, so I thought I'd do a little something different this time and write about the one thing that always makes me happy . . . my family.  I wish I had great pictures to illustrate this, but sadly I do not. 

• Papa-My dad is the smartest person I know.  He's my hero and my rock.  I think every good decision I have ever made has probably been because of his advice.  My biggest fear in life is something happening to him.  He had an aortic dissection and almost died in 2001 and sitting in the hospital that night, not knowing whether or not he would live, was the worst night of my life.  He has a great sarcastic sense of humor and I love it when he mocks the gun-toting right-wingers. 
• Mamacita-My mom and I have definitely had our rough patches (such as those horrible teenage years), but now I just love spending time with her.  At some point it finally clicked that she's not just my mom, but is an actual person.  That sounds weird and stupid, I know, but growing up you just think of your mom as mom, not as someone with their own identity and who has had their own life experiences.  And when it comes to life experiences, she has many and keeps adding to the list because she has the energy of a teenager and never stops.  On family vacations she is up for anything and everything.  The other day she mentioned how inadequate she felt as a mother compared to someone else and it stopped me in my tracks.  She definitely isn't the typical Utah Valley mother who sews, cooks, cans, crafts and bakes homemade bread, but to me she's much better.  She is educated.  She is cultured.  She is open-minded and she stands up for what she believes in. 
• Matthew-My older brother has always been a great example to me.  He has worked hard at everything he has done and has always been very driven.  Basically we're exact opposites!  I think the thing that I appreciate the most about Matthew is the example he has been of how a man should be.  He is an awesome father, he provides for and takes care of his family, and he has always shown respect for the women in his life.  Between him and my dad it's no wonder I'm single-no guy can ever live up to these two!
• Melissa-Matthew's wife, Melissa, is another person I love to hang out with.  We didn't get off on the best foot initially, but now I just think the world of her.  She's an amazing mother and a beautiful person, inside and out.  She's also a great cook and has a really great fashion sense.  If I didn't love her so much I'd have to hate her!  In spite of being all around fabulous, she's also a genuinely nice and caring person. 
• The kiddos-I would go into detail about how incredible my two nieces and nephew are, but there aren't enough words in the English language to describe them.  I love them to bits!
• Mark-Anyone who has met my little brother understands that to know Mark is to love him.  He's just plain fun to be around and I don't know that I've ever heard him say anything mean about anyone.  I love that he is always in a good mood and extremely positive.  He takes whatever life throws at him and makes the best out of it.  He's the kind of person that makes the day better when he walks into the room.  I'm pretty sure the world could be coming to an end, but if he walked into the room, everyone would be like "Yay, Mark's here!"  

So that's my family in a nutshell.  I kinda like 'em!

Why I am a horrible person

• I'm discovering more and more of what I can't stand about potential suitors.  One thing that is driving me crazy is when a guy constantly thanks me for letting him get to know me and for talking to him.  Once or twice is polite.  Fifty times means you need to have some confidence in yourself and realize you're worth talking to.  The fact that you have to constantly thank me makes me think there's something wrong with you and that you're an outcast whom nobody normally wants to talk to.  Ugh, gratitude can just be so irritating sometimes!
• I don't know why, but somehow I seem to end up with guys whose ex-wives turned out to be lesbians.  (This has nothing to do with me being a horrible person, it's just something I've been pondering.)
• I like to buy bags of ice at the gas station instead of continually refilling the ice cube trays.  No, this doesn't make me horrible, but it does make me lazy. 

on a lighter note

• A former co-worker just turned up in my eHarmony matches.  Weird!
• Are we 100% sure that you can't get pregnant just from thinking dirty thoughts?  I swear I'm having pregnancy cravings. I can't stop eating grapes.  I had to make a special trip to the store today just to get two more bags of grapes.  I've already eaten one of them.  It's ridiculous!
• Maybe the grapes are why I've had crazy dreams the last few nights.  First I had a dream that a crazy person was attacking me, then I dreamed that my dad died, then I was an assassin and I had to cut into little twin boys to collect their blood for some big plot.  I'm going to choose to believe that it's the grapes and not that I'm going insane.
• My dad went to Peru last month and brought me back two paintings for my collection of original artwork.  I really like saying that I have an original artwork collection.  I feel very fancy.  Unfortunately, none of my paintings are framed so I can't do anything with them yet.  Oh well, such is the life of an art collector.  ;)