Fine, I'll do it!

I just guilted a friend into updating her blog and I didn't want to be a hypocrite, so lucky you, you're getting a blog post today!  I apologize for my utter failure at blogging about my trip.  One of these days I will post more pictures and tell you about what else I did while in Dublin and London.  That day isn't today, though, unfortunately.  Until then, here's what has been keeping me busy:

• I'm engaged!  Surprise!  
• Surprise #2 is that he's a farmer in Idaho and he has . . . wait for it . . . six children, all under the age of 9, and he has sole custody of them.  So in a couple of months I will go from single to married with six children.  That should give me plenty to blog about!
• A few weeks ago I had surgery on my elbow.  I've had tennis elbow for a couple of years now and when they went in, they found that part of the tendon was bad (what that means exactly, I do not know) and part of it was detached.  They cut out the bad part and reattached the other part, then drilled holes in the bone to encourage growth.  I had a fun mummy arm for a couple of weeks.
  
  
  
  
  

on a lighter note

• A former co-worker just turned up in my eHarmony matches.  Weird!
• Are we 100% sure that you can't get pregnant just from thinking dirty thoughts?  I swear I'm having pregnancy cravings. I can't stop eating grapes.  I had to make a special trip to the store today just to get two more bags of grapes.  I've already eaten one of them.  It's ridiculous!
• Maybe the grapes are why I've had crazy dreams the last few nights.  First I had a dream that a crazy person was attacking me, then I dreamed that my dad died, then I was an assassin and I had to cut into little twin boys to collect their blood for some big plot.  I'm going to choose to believe that it's the grapes and not that I'm going insane.
• My dad went to Peru last month and brought me back two paintings for my collection of original artwork.  I really like saying that I have an original artwork collection.  I feel very fancy.  Unfortunately, none of my paintings are framed so I can't do anything with them yet.  Oh well, such is the life of an art collector.  ;)

so far so good

EHarmony has been going well thus far.  I like the site because unlike all of the other sites I've tried, you don't have to browse for matches.  It doesn't feel like a meat market like the other ones, where the hottest piece of meat gets all of the attention (and then devoured?).  Instead, eHarmony "scientifically" matches you with other people and then sends you their info.  I can't decide if it's high tech and super cool, or just made for lazy people.  At any rate, I'm talking to several guys who seem very cool and I've got a date with one of them on Monday.  There is a new exhibit opening at the U of U art museum and we're going to a dinner to celebrate the opening, then attending the exhibit.  It sounds like it will be lots of fun, or at the very least, a bloggable story.  Either way-victory!  I'll let you know how it all goes.  This is assuming, of course, that I don't back out at the last minute with a bogus story about a work emergency.  Not that something like that has ever happened because wouldn't that just make me a horrible person! 

Possible dating disasters ahead

Amber (the friend I am currently living with) and her coworkers have decided that a.) I need to get married, b.) I need to show more skin and c.) I need to work on my come hither look.  So . . . I just signed up for eHarmony, I am going to have my skirts hemmed so they are slightly above the ankle and I am practicing my sexy times look.  So far I think it looks like I'm having a mini-seizure, but Amber's dog keeps resting his head on my chest, so I guess my animal magnetism is working.

an update

Job's good. It's really cold. I'm super psyched for Christmas. Ugh. Alright, I guess I can do better than that. Hmmm . . . let's see . . .

• I'm liking being the boss (well, one of four bosses) at Christmas. I've been getting lots of treats. Of course it also means I have lots of staff to give something to. I decided to do cake balls because I pretty much like anything that has balls in the name. Instead of making them with frosting I used cream cheese. They are so much better this way.
• Netflix is taking up way too much of my time. I started watching The Vampire Diaries and I can't get enough of it. Stefan needs to go, though. I'm all about Damon. Stefan is far too whiney and depressing. He's like Edward Cullen without the glitter.
• I got a puppy over the summer and named her Veronica Mars. She lasted two days and then I gave her away. I couldn't handle the getting up every two hours during the night and the constant chewing of my furniture. It's probably a good thing I don't have children.
• Now I have Walker. He's a treeing walker coonhound. I got him from the local shelter where he had been for a year. He's super cute, but also super pesky sometimes. Today I came home from work to find my 25 pound bag of potatoes strewn all over the living room. He also really likes to chew on plastic food storage containers.
• Someone is doing the 12 Days of Christmas for me. There are few things in life that are better than coming home to a present every day. Yay for presents!!!
• I've been kinda seeing this guy, but I really don't like him very much. I don't not like him, but I don't like him, if you know what I mean. He always wants to talk on the phone. I'm not in junior high anymore-I don't need to talk on the phone for hours. I keep coming up with reasons not to talk to him or go out with him again and I need to just suck it up and tell him I'm not interested. It's hard to blow people off in a small town. The chances of seeing them around town are very high.
  
• I got a little obsessive about Christmas this year and got out my decorations the first week in November.
• I've been doing a weekly game night with some friends. Apples to Apples is a great way to get to know people. People have learned that I rarely go with the obvious answer. I'm all about creativity and humor. If you don't amuse me you won't win.
• It's really cold up here. It was like 2 degrees mid-day today. I always know it's really cold when I take the dog out and my nose hairs freeze and tickle me when I breathe. Since it's been so cold we haven't had much snow and now what snow we do have looks all weird like fish scales.
  
• One of my clients is constantly amazed to see me. I go say hi to her every day and every day she looks at me and says "Kim?!?" like she can't believe it's really me. Then she runs/toddles over and gives me a big hug. Then when I see her later in the day at her house, she is again amazed to see me. It's great.
  
• I'm going to attempt to keep track of the books I read next year again. I tried this year (see sidebar), but when I updated it with a bunch of new titles I forgot to save it. This of course irritated me and I gave up on it. I'll try again next year. Not that anyone ever looks at the list anyway-it's much more for my own information.

Alrighty, that's it for now. I would say I'll try to be more regular with my posting, but I'm guessing it probably won't happen. I will try to update after Christmas though. The nieces and nephew are coming, so hopefully I'll have some cuteness to share.

You make me happy

• Meagan's Bleu Cheese Salad Dressing (1 jar Best Foods mayo, 1 small thingie buttermilk, 1 thing bleu cheese crumbles, 1 tsp. garlic salt, 1 tsp. pepper)
• The British version of Skins. The MTV version sucks.
• Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper
• Italian Sweet Creme coffee creamer over fresh strawberries
• My Kindle
• Free ebooks for my Kindle
• Not having to translate semi-illiterate texts as though they were a foreign language. In case you were wondering, my name is spelled Kimberly, not Kimburley. And if you thought that was bad, let me give you an exact quote from one of dude's texts: "Hears haw it is, plain and simpel." Really? REALLY??? I am obviously not bitter at all!
• A full propane tank
• "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele
• The end of Hollywood's award season. Could the Oscars have been any more boring? (Could I have sounded any more like Chandler when I said that?)
  
• Jimmy Kimmel
• The Cosby Show
• Payday
• Chicken enchiladas
  

Please tell me it gets better.

I broke it off with dude tonight and to say he was pissed is the understatement of the year. I didn't even like the guy and the insults he was hurling my way were completely ridiculous, but it still kinda sucks. I'm tired of being alone, but I also refuse to lower my standards, so I'm kind of at a stalemate here. I'm also pissed off that I feel like something is wrong with me since I'm a couple months away from being 30 and I'm still single. This is not abnormal! The religion I was brought up in has brainwashed me to think (among other things) that there's something wrong with this scenario, but there really isn't! (Yes, I did just state my opinion on the Mormon church in a vague and roundabout way. Sorry if that offends you.) So please . . . tell me it gets better. Tell me that not all guys are jerks and that I will eventually find someone, even though I live in an area where there are more cows than available men. Also, if you could please tell me that I am the better person for not having the last word with this guy, that would really help.

I'm just not that into you.

I would like to apologize in advance-this post is probably going to make me sound like a horrible human being. I have accepted this about myself and, in fact, have come to embrace it. So here goes . . .

Signs that I'm just not that into you:

• I lose my phone or forget it at home a lot. (Yeah right, that thing is practically glued to my thumbs!)
  
• I answer your texts with carefully worded responses that do not require a further response on your part.
  
• I use lots of noncommittal phrases such as "We'll see." and "That's a possibility." My favorite is "We shall see . . . we shall see."
  
• You initiate most of our conversations.
  
• Everything I say is very general and in no way specific to you.
• When you try to hold my hand, I give your hand a little squeeze, then have to dig around in my pockets for something or I suddenly need a sip of my drink.

Reasons why I'm just not that into you:

• You text me stupid questions like "Have ya been thinking about me today?" Um . . . do you really want me to answer that?
  
• Even after I text you carefully worded responses that do not require any further response on your part, you still keep texting me.
  
• You are unable to spell basic words. Now and how are not spelled with an a.
• Your favorite tv show is Two and a Half Men.
  
• You keep offering to buy me things, and that kind of makes me feel like a prostitute.
• Even though you claim you have no problem with gay people, you don't really want any of them around you. Unless, of course, you have been forewarned that there might be homosexuals in the vicinity. Then you're good. It's just when they pop up out of nowhere that it's an issue.
  
• I'm happy for you that you go to the gym almost every night, but I don't really need to hear your gym experience described as including sweat, muscles and panting. That doesn't sound sexy, it sounds gross. And then when you add in throbbing muscles, it just makes me laugh at your attempt at sexy talk.

Reasons why I'm momentarily overlooking all of the previous items:

• I really, really like it when you play with my hair for an hour and a half straight, even though your wrist is quite obviously hurting.
  
• I live in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming; there really isn't much else to do.

update on my downfall

It was brought to my attention that my last post sounded kind of b*tchy. There was actually more to the story that was causing me concern than just that he sent me flowers on Valentine's Day, but tonight I realized that perhaps I'm projecting lingering issues from a past relationship onto this guy, and that's probably not fair. We cleared up some confusion over certain issues and we'll see where things go from here.

my downfall

So I got flowers for Valentine's Day today from this guy who seems to be very nice and at least semi-normal. You would think this would be a good thing, right? It's not. I already felt like this guy was clingy, and now I just plain feel smothered. I think my independent nature is going to be the downfall of my love life. I just really don't feel the need to account for what I'm doing all the time. It's not even in a demanding way, just a hey, whatcha up to kind of a way. And I don't need a good morning text every day. And I don't want to talk about hypothetical future plans with someone I barely know. And I don't need to be repeatedly called gorgeous (or, in his spelling-disabled way, geirgous). And I really don't want to snuggle. I am not a snuggly person. It takes a lot for me to even hug someone and when I do, it's usually a one armed, pat on the back kind of a hug. I've just realized that I'm the guy in this situation, and dude is the stage 5 clinger! Hahahaha!!! O.k., now that's kind of funny! I think I'm going to die alone.

the big date

So remember how I was complaining because I had a possible date for last Saturday, but I ended up having to work? Well, I found someone else to work, so the date was on. Things didn't really go as I had imagined they would. It turned out to not so much be an actual date as it was this dude was just dropping by to meet me and if I proved to be acceptable, maybe in the future there would be a real date. That was problem number one. Problem number two was that he showed up in coveralls and mud boots and he looked like Grizzly Adams. Problem number three was that we had only slightly more in common than Hitler and Gandhi do. For example, he doesn't watch t.v. Crazy, right?!? I mean really! Really!! We actually ended up talking for about three hours, during which time I learned the following:

• Goats have a really thick skull in front, so when you kill them you have to shoot this one spot on the side where the skull isn't. If you just shoot them straight through the forehead, it'll only stun them and they'll keep popping back up.
• When you are hunting, the meat will taste less "gamey" if you don't run the animal. If you just sneak up on it and shoot it, it won't release hormones and sweat and stuff, which changes the taste.
• You can get some kind of chip or something to make your car have more horsepower. This is a good thing because the more horsepower you have, the more of a man you are.
• UFOs fly around Area 51 all the time and Big Foot is real.
  

I'm sure I learned more, but I'm still processing the whole experience, so I'll have to report back on it later. Oh, and one other thing . . . if you use the phrase "I'm not racist, but . . ." multiple times when referring to different ethnic groups, you might just be racist.

some stuff and some grrrrs

• My friend, Emily, came up for the weekend and we spent most of the time up in Jackson, seeing as how there's pretty much nothing to do where I live. Jackson was fun, though. We ate some good food and did some good shopping. At one store we did both. There's this cool new place called Vom Fass that sells flavored vinegars, oils, and spices. Jars with spigots line the walls, and you can taste whatever you want in cute little miniature Asian soup spoons. I bought several vinegars and have spent the last couple days dipping lettuce leaves in vinegar. It makes me feel very cool to have specialty vinegars. It's the little things.
• I just colored my hair again. The color I used is Chocolate Cherry, which sounds like an African-American-themed porn to me. Bow chicka bow wow!
  
• I'm getting a little tired of picking up extra shifts at work. I had a date tentatively lined up for Saturday, but because we are neverendingly short staffed, guess who has to work on Saturday! My boss keeps saying we have to make do until we can find a new employee. I didn't realize that making do was secret code for "You are a peon and as such, you have to work everything that no one else will work, which, by the way, is everything involving a weekend. So pretty much say good-bye to any little shred of hope you had left of having a social life." At least I'm the lead peon, though, right?!? I can't decide if that makes it better or worse. Oh, and all of those people in my company who complain all the time about wanting extra hours, but then will never work extra hours if it's a weekend, are little bitches. (I would apologize for the unladylike language, but I feel no remorse whatsoever.)
  
• I'm off the meat again. I am now taking spirulina for protein. It's algae and it's 60-70% protein, verses the 22% protein content in meat. It comes in powder form and is a gorgeous dark green color. Unfortunately it smells like pond scum. Fortunately, it doesn't taste like pond scum if you add it to carrot juice or Vitamin Water. Unfortunately, it does taste like pond scum if you burp within a couple hours of drinking it.
• I swore I would never be the kind of person that wears Uggs. They're far too trendy and really, they're pretty unattractive. I've been sucked into their web of fugly comfiness, though, and they're all I wear now. My reasoning for succumbing is threefold: 1. They're really comfy, obvs. 2. They're really warm, which is of the utmost importance, here in the frozen tundra of Wyoming. 3. If I wear them under my pant legs instead of having the pants tucked into them, then you can't really see them. Oh wait, there are actually four reasons: 4. As long as I don't wear them with cut-off jean shorts to the gas station to buy Cheetos (with my nasty weave showing, btw), then I feel as though I'm rocking a much classier Ugg-look than Britney Spears, which is who I think of when I think of Uggs.
• I got an AeroGarden for Christmas. I like it a lot. I want like five more of them with which to grow other things since the growing season in Wyoming is about 3 days long.

please tell me you're joking

This guy from one of the singles websites says this on his profile:

before i date, i require a hand written letter which i pray about and go to the temple about which may keep in my church cloths. silly i get impressions and feel that this is the best way to find my help mate.

i need a good fit in my life eather some one who could live in a small place or was well off. and i could sell my place and buy a better place with her, in this area hopefully maybe some where else depends. i am not a great writer so phone calls are better or person i will pray about it and get back you. you pray about it too please.


Oh, and then there was some other guy who sent a little flirt thing, but I don't think we'd be a good match since he lives in Iran and is 4'10".