an update

Job's good. It's really cold. I'm super psyched for Christmas. Ugh. Alright, I guess I can do better than that. Hmmm . . . let's see . . .

• I'm liking being the boss (well, one of four bosses) at Christmas. I've been getting lots of treats. Of course it also means I have lots of staff to give something to. I decided to do cake balls because I pretty much like anything that has balls in the name. Instead of making them with frosting I used cream cheese. They are so much better this way.
• Netflix is taking up way too much of my time. I started watching The Vampire Diaries and I can't get enough of it. Stefan needs to go, though. I'm all about Damon. Stefan is far too whiney and depressing. He's like Edward Cullen without the glitter.
• I got a puppy over the summer and named her Veronica Mars. She lasted two days and then I gave her away. I couldn't handle the getting up every two hours during the night and the constant chewing of my furniture. It's probably a good thing I don't have children.
• Now I have Walker. He's a treeing walker coonhound. I got him from the local shelter where he had been for a year. He's super cute, but also super pesky sometimes. Today I came home from work to find my 25 pound bag of potatoes strewn all over the living room. He also really likes to chew on plastic food storage containers.
• Someone is doing the 12 Days of Christmas for me. There are few things in life that are better than coming home to a present every day. Yay for presents!!!
• I've been kinda seeing this guy, but I really don't like him very much. I don't not like him, but I don't like him, if you know what I mean. He always wants to talk on the phone. I'm not in junior high anymore-I don't need to talk on the phone for hours. I keep coming up with reasons not to talk to him or go out with him again and I need to just suck it up and tell him I'm not interested. It's hard to blow people off in a small town. The chances of seeing them around town are very high.
  
• I got a little obsessive about Christmas this year and got out my decorations the first week in November.
• I've been doing a weekly game night with some friends. Apples to Apples is a great way to get to know people. People have learned that I rarely go with the obvious answer. I'm all about creativity and humor. If you don't amuse me you won't win.
• It's really cold up here. It was like 2 degrees mid-day today. I always know it's really cold when I take the dog out and my nose hairs freeze and tickle me when I breathe. Since it's been so cold we haven't had much snow and now what snow we do have looks all weird like fish scales.
  
• One of my clients is constantly amazed to see me. I go say hi to her every day and every day she looks at me and says "Kim?!?" like she can't believe it's really me. Then she runs/toddles over and gives me a big hug. Then when I see her later in the day at her house, she is again amazed to see me. It's great.
  
• I'm going to attempt to keep track of the books I read next year again. I tried this year (see sidebar), but when I updated it with a bunch of new titles I forgot to save it. This of course irritated me and I gave up on it. I'll try again next year. Not that anyone ever looks at the list anyway-it's much more for my own information.

Alrighty, that's it for now. I would say I'll try to be more regular with my posting, but I'm guessing it probably won't happen. I will try to update after Christmas though. The nieces and nephew are coming, so hopefully I'll have some cuteness to share.

Yellow

An email I just received about a conversation between my nieces and sister in-law:

My conversation with the girls today...

Ashley: When are we going to see Kimmy again? I want to go to Wyoming.

Sariah: Kimmy lives in the yellow stuff.

Me: What? What is the yellow stuff?

S: You'll just see when you get there.

M: Ok, but what are you talking about?

S: It's just the yellow stuff. And she has a fountain that has really stinky water. And there are lots of trees and mountains. And Kimmy lives outside. She doesn't have a house.

M: Kimmy does not live outside. Do you mean Yellowstone?

S: Yeah. Yellowstone.

(She continued to refer to it as yellow stuff for the rest of the car ride.)

And now it's October!!!

My cousin lovingly and kindly brought to my attention that it's been a while since I updated. Wendy, your wish is my command. Here's what's been happening:

• I ended up applying for and getting the management job. I told them I would commit to two years. It's good so far-the hours are definitely better. Being on salary is also great. I have a feeling, though, that being the only single and childless member of management is going to mean a lot of travel for me. I went to Laramie last week and I have to go to Casper next week. I volunteered for the Laramie trip and was informed that I was going on the Casper trip. I can't be too bitter, though, since it's for Special Olympics and I love Special O.
  
• My roommate moved out, which really, really sucks, but it's good for her, so I guess I have to be happy. :(
• My parents are coming up to visit this weekend and since I now have a free second bedroom, they're staying with me instead of at a motel. I was going to go buy a cheap bed from the Penny Pincher, but my mom informed me that she didn't want to sleep on a used bed, so I bought a new bed yesterday. Fortunately my parents paid for most of it. I currently have a full size bed and the new one is a queen, so it's totally going in my room and the full is going in the spare bedroom. This whole thing means that I have a place for people to sleep when they come and stay! This means people need to come visit me!
  
• This has all made me feel very grown up. At 30 I finally have a career-type job, my own place without a roommate and actual furniture. Yay me!!!
• Last weekend was my roommate's last weekend in town, and because she requested it, I went with her and other friends to the bar. A guy asked me if I wanted to go next door (to the hotel) and have a good time. I politely declined. Maybe next time.
  
• Did I mention that you should come visit me? Seriously. No excuses.
  

It's September!!!

Holy crap, this summer flew by! I guess it doesn't help when the snow doesn't melt until May-summer seems really short. There was a change in the air when I left work last night. It's definitely starting to get cold, at least at night. Anyway, here's today's question of the day:

Q: If you had to move where would you like to live?
A: If money were no issue, I would love to live in New York City for a while. If we're being realistic, though, I would consider southern California. It's not too hot or too cold, there's tons to do there, it's pretty, and most importantly, my nieces and nephew are there. Unfortunately, the financial situation there is . . . um . . . lacking. I'm guessing that in my line of work, where a lot of our funding comes from the government, there probably aren't a lot of jobs in the state of California.

Question of the Day

There are several questions for today because my answers are short and sweet.

Q: What's the most significant problem facing the world?
A: Stupidity

Q: If you could do something dangerous just once with no risk, what would you do:
A: Swim with sharks

Q: Would you be likely to survive alone in the wilderness?
A: Hahahahahahaha!

morning visitor

Woke up to this little one in the backyard . . .

Pardon the cell phone camera quality! And that's wood for the fire pit, not a pile of crap. :)

Bonus Q

Q: What vice would you indulge in if it had no negative side effects?

A: Duh, all of them!

Question of the Day

Back by popular demand (from one person), I give you the Question of the Day . . .

Before I get to the actual question, I feel I should let you know that the first question I pulled out of the deck was "Which one sexual activity would you like to try if there were no negative consequences?" As a couple of my family members read this blog, I'm going to go ahead and skip that one. They just don't need to know about my predilection for whips and chains. So here's the actual question:

Q: Which long lost childhood object would you most like to find?

A: In 1986-87 my family lived in Spain while my dad was doing research in the archives there. (Let's pause for a moment to reflect on my glamorous life . . . ) We took a trip to Portugal and I of course brought along my beloved stuffed koala bear. This bear went everywhere with me and was the best friend a girl could ever have. Well, until I grew up and discovered other things to be my best friends, but I digress. We checked out of the hotel and a short time later I discovered that my koala was nowhere to be found. We went back to the hotel, but couldn't find it. It was devastating. My parents tried to tell me that koala wanted to stay behind to eat the eucalyptus leaves in Portugal. Ha! What did they take me for, a fool? Just because I was little didn't mean I was stupid. My sweet baby koala would never abandon me like that just for some stupid leaves. To this day I still think one of the maids stole it, because really, who wouldn't want a dirty, worn out stuffed koala bear? Last year my parents finally bought me a new stuffed koala, which now sits on my dresser as a constant reminder of the tragedy that nearly ruined childhood for me. So . . . to answer the question, I really want my koala back. I'm pretty sure that this devastating event led to questionable choices in my adult life, as well as a lifelong distrust of maids.

Emergency situation!

It's official-Wyoming has turned me. This will come as a shock to those of you who know me, but I spent the whole day yesterday fishing and . . . wait for it . . . I liked it. I am not the kind of person who likes dirt and bugs. In fact, it's hard for me to fathom that there are people who do; so when a friend of mind invited me to go fishing yesterday, my natural instinct was to say not just no, but f*ck no. Fortunately, my roommate was being a bump on a log and wouldn't get out of bed, so I decided to go fishing. Of course I only planned to stay for an hour or so-that way my nature allergy wouldn't cause too many problems. I also thought my friend and I were going to just sit around the campfire while her husband and kids fished. This was not the case, however. She made me go out on the water with her. Keep in mind that this is a glacial lake and thus the water is only slightly above freezing. At first I just sat there, but then there must have been a breach in the space time continuum or something, because I found myself doing crazy and bizarre things like putting a worm on the hook and grabbing little fishies to pull the hooks out of their mouths. I not only had dirt on me but also worm innards and fish slime. It gives me the shivers just to think about it now. We stayed out on the lake for a few hours, then went back to shore and I planned on leaving. Somehow I ended up going out again for another few hours. What has happened to me? With the recent plethora of natural disasters, I'm wondering if maybe there was an earthquake in the area I was not aware of and it shook things up in my brain. That's the only possible explanation. This is not normal behavior for me. Quick, somebody give me a UA-someone must have slipped me some drugs!!!



P.S. It's possible that I'm going camping and fishing again next weekend. What has happened to me?????

Attention, Utah peeps!

I'll be in Orem this weekend for my little bro's homecoming. Please stop by and say hello . . . I would love to see you!!!

Decisions, decisions

I'm supposed to be applying for a management position in the company I work for. It would be a great opportunity, but the past couple of months I haven't been able to shake the feeling that maybe it isn't what I should be doing. Today I put in my official letter of interest and now I have this overwhelming, horrible feeling that I'm making a huge mistake. So . . . do I follow my gut or not? I keep saying that whether or not I get this job will decide for me whether or not I stay in Wyoming, so I guess if I don't even apply for the job, that kind of makes that decision for me. Although really, it doesn't have to. Sigh. I don't know what I'm doing!!! Obviously not much has changed since my last post! I'm going to discuss it with the fam this weekend and see what they think, but I think I've already made up my mind. Anyone else want to chime in with their thoughts?

Sigh.

It's happening again. I'm feeling antsy. I need a change. I'm on vacation in California right now and getting some distance from Wyoming has made me realize that I don't really want to go back, but I don't know if I don't want to go back to the job or the state. I definitely want to go back for the people and the scenery. Maybe I just need to change my hair color or rearrange my bedroom. I don't know. I went through this a couple weeks ago and was trying to decide if I wanted to move back to Salt Lake or stay in Wyoming and I decided on Wyoming, but now I'm not sure. There was a job factor that was making all the difference, but now I don't know if I want to deal with the job factor. I don't know what I want. Sigh. I know, my life is super difficult-I live in a gorgeous place, I have awesome friends, and I am gainfully employed. What's a girl to do!?! Anyone have any suggestions? Please, solve my life's problems for me in the comment section!

thoughts

• I have so few Facebook friends that it would be sad to lose any, however, every time I log on I want to delete people based solely upon the number of times they update their status each day.
  
• I went to a class on autism this week and it's pretty fascinating. I plan on doing a lot more studying up about it. Now I have to go and teach all of the staff I work with about it.
• The place I work was having a yard sale as a fundraiser, so I went through all my stuff and got rid of quite a few things. Why does it look like I haven't even made a dent?
  
• Have you seen the new show, "Roseanne's Nuts"? I love me some Roseanne. She's crazy, but in a good way.
  
• What is everyone thinking about this season of So You Think You Can Dance? I haven't been feeling it so much this season. There are a couple of people I like, but I'm not really connecting with anyone. It's all just kinda meh to me.
• I heard last week that the first snow is predicted for six weeks from now (or rather, from last week). Upon hearing this news, I vomited a little in my mouth.
• One of my best friends always says "To be truthfully honest . . . " Is there any other kind of honesty?
  

Long time no see!

So I've been home sick all week and I thought that in between trips to the bathroom (TMI, I know!), I'd update my blog with what's been going on the last two or so months since I last posted. And just so you know, if this post does not illicit a sufficient number of comments, I'm never posting again!!! (Possibly kidding, but not sure at this moment, as I'm kind of finding myself over the whole blogging thing!)

• I moved into a new apartment. Same area, just slightly further out of town. This is my backyard:
• Speaking of the backyard, I came home the other day to find a herd of buffalo in the backyard:
• To go in my new place, I got a new couch:
• My new roommate has this cutie:
• Her name is Vixen and she likes to snug in bed with me:
• Down the road is the following sign and every time I see it, I swear it says Flying Whores:
• Also down the road is this cute goat:
• The weather here has been kinda crappy:
• In fact, it actually snowed the other day:
• I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately doing quite a few things I never thought I would ever do. You see, my roommate’s family has a farm and I love it there. Love everything about it. It’s possible that I’m turning into a farmer. This is the view from their porch:
• One of the things I definitely never thought I would be doing is branding a cow. No, not just watching the other people brand cows, I actually BRANDED A COW!!! I know, it’s like I’m a completely different person! Here’s a cow in the trapping mechanism. It’s not the one I branded, but it’s possibly related, and it's the only picture I took, so here you go:
• Speaking of cows, I had my first farm heartbreak with the little darling below. She wasn’t doing well and I did what I could to help, and I thought she was making a comeback and would be o.k., but then she died.
• And since we’re on the subject of cattle, let’s talk bulls. And their penises. I got to witness bull semen collecting! See that pink thing sticking down in the first pic? Yeah. What you can’t see in the second picture is that while the vet is down there with his little cup, his helper is sticking what looks like a black missile in the bull’s rear end. I felt like I was watching a prison rape scene or something.
• Remember a while ago when I blogged about having seen the eggs coming out of the chickens and I couldn’t eat eggs for weeks? Well, here are the culprits:
• Also on the farm are sheep and goats:
• This little cutie is Bonnie. She and her sister, Emma, are my favorites:
• And this little rascal here just had his um . . . (how do I say this delicately?) . . . well, he had his little goatie balls banded. Instead of just cutting them off, they put rubber band thingies on them and then they just fall off. I can only hope that some day soon I will be walking along and discover a couple of goat balls lying on the grass. So anyway, sadly, his humping days are no more.
• This is my partner in crime. Her name is Lacey and she’s the biggest sweetheart ever. I love her to pieces and force her to ride along with me on the back of the four wheeler. Some day I'm going to dognap her and never give her back.
• There are also geese on the farm. See that white one? His name is Frederick, but it should have been Little F*cker. No really, he comes at you and is like an attack dog! At one point I had to flee to my car with him sitting outside, flapping his wings at me, waiting to peck me to death. If ever I have a chance to run him over or accidentally stab him with a pitchfork, I will.
• I’ve been doing a little bit of traveling for work lately. I made a road trip out to Nebraska to pick up a new client and sadly, this is the only photo I took. Nebraska is gorgeous, by the way. The cow feedlot we passed along the way, however, made me want to vomit.
• I also went with my clients to Special Olympics in Laramie. Since everything involved clients, I obviously couldn’t take any pictures, but I had a great time. Remember that commercial from years ago that may actually have been for Special Olympics, wherein they’re running a race and one of the competitors fall and the rest of them stop, turn around and go back to help that person finish the race? Well, imagine three days of that. I was slightly emotional.
• So I think that’s about it for now. Sorry this was such a long post. As a reward for finishing, here’s another shot of the bull peen:

my heart just broke a little

I found out that one of the most bad*ss characters in one of the most bad*ss movies ever has just been cast on The Young and the Restless. My grandmother is now going to be enjoying this guy as much as I do, and that's really kind of weird.

This gave me chills

herpes

Remember this post? Well, the following search terms have lead people to my blog:

• celtic thunder cold sore (15 searches)
• celtic thunder herpes (7 searches)
  
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I'm so proud to be the definitive source on information about Celtic Thunder and herpes! (Is it sad that the previous statement was in no way sarcastic?)

ABCs of Me

• Age: 29 (30 next month-I can't believe it!)
• Bed Size: Full
• Chore You Hate: Cleaning the toilet
• Dogs: Lizzie and Mr. Darcy
• Essential Start of Your Day: Check my email, work stuff, Facebook and blogs
• Favorite Color: Purple
• Gold or Silver: Silver
• Height: 5'6ish
• Instruments I Play: Used to play the piano.
• Job Title: Lead Direct Support Professional
• Kids: Yes, please!
• Live: In the frozen tundra of Wyoming
• Mom's Name: Margie
• Nicknames: Kim, Kimmy/Kimmie
• Overnight Hospital Stays: several
• Pet Peeve: tardiness
• Quote From a Movie: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
  
• Right or Left Handed: Right
• Siblings: 2 brothers
• Time You Wake Up: Usually around 8:30
• Underwear: I really like those boy short things.
  
• Veggie You Dislike: Brussel sprouts, eggplant
• What Makes You Run Late: I don't believe in being late. If I am, though, it probably has something to do with not being able to find something to wear.
• X-Rays You Have Had: Teeth, back
• Yummy Food You Make: enchiladas, Texas sheet cake, ham dip, pasta salad, various soups
• Zoo Animal You Like Best: I've never really thought about it. Monkeys, I guess.
  

Happy Spring!

The view outside my window right now . . .


I'm not bitter at all.

Really? REALLY?

Just checked the weather and there's a Winter Weather Advisory. Eff you, Wyoming!

Note to self

• Do not tell any resident of Wyoming and/or Idaho that you thought an elk was a male deer. They will laugh at you. (In my defense, I don't come from an outdoorsy family. While all of y'all were out hunting and spending time in the great outdoors, I was going to museums and historical sites.)
• While it may be exciting to see the egg come out of the chicken's butt, it will make you never want to eat an egg ever again. Next time look away.
• It is never a good idea to kill time at Target. It is also impossible to just buy one or two things there.
  
• If a guy sticks his tongue in your mouth try really hard to not think of Ron puking up slimy slugs in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
• Asking about a person's tattoo is a great way to get a quiet person talking.
  
• Clothes can be washed-the love and snuggles of a muddy dog are priceless.
  
• Eat all the vegetables you want, there's still nothing better than a good steak.
• Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy. Sometimes you have to make up a story about a co-worker falling and breaking her leg.
  

Moose Watch 2011

Here are the moose pictures from yesterday. These aren't the best pictures-the camera I was using wasn't that great. I haven't seen them around today, but word around town is that they're across the street and down a couple houses. Apparently people over there have a hay stack that the moose are eating from.





This picture was taken from my kitchen window. The two little ones were about ten feet away from me. You can also see the present they left for us in the yard.




Mama moose.

I was a little concerned about leaving to go to work because mama moose was pretty close to my back door. When I closed the door, all three of them jumped to their feet and I had to sprint to my car. They were actually probably scared and not wanting to come after me, but you never want to take a chance when it comes to a moose!

moose update

They are so close I can smell them and hear them chewing! Holy crap!

I looked out the window and what did I see?

No, not popcorn popping on the apricot tree-it is still winter in Wyoming! But I did see . . . . . . . . . wait for it . . . . . . three moose! A mama and two babies! In my backyard!!! Pictures to come . . .

Celtic Thunder (From Down Under)

I'm home sick from work tonight and Celtic Thunder is on PBS. I have a thing for anything Irish and some of their songs are really great, so I was totally excited to see this show was on. Sigh. The appeal has kind of been ruined for me now. Here are my reasons:

• If you are going to choose to perform in kilts, you have to understand that anyone watching is not going to be focused on your music, but rather on what you do or do not have on underneath the kilt.
  
• The audience was full of shrieking middle-aged women, along with an occasional grouping of men that I'm guessing were gay. Actually, come to think of it, it reminded me of a Cher concert, but with much less glitter and skimpy ensembles.
  
• One of the guys has a ginormous cold sore on his lip and all I can think when I see him is HERPES! HERPES! YOU HAVE HERPES ON YOUR LIP!!! Please consider taking some of your (apparently quite large) budget for hair products and invest in some Abreva and/or quality stage make-up.
  
• It's pledge drive time again at PBS and I feel very strongly that every time they say "If you would like PBS to continue to offer quality programming like Celtic Thunder . . ." everyone should have to shout "From down under" and take a drink. Not that I drink. But still, it would be an awesome drinking game.
• If your only choreography is marching in place, along with an occasional fist pump when you sing something particularly pro-Ireland, then you might want to consider just not doing it at all. But still wear the kilts, though. Always wear the kilts.

****UPDATE****
They just did some other dance moves that caused two things to happen: 1. there was much shrieking and hands-in-the-air clapping from the audience and 2. one of the guys (the one with the long, luscious locks, I think) appears to be wearing brown shoes with gray pants. I'm simply stating a fact, not passing judgment. Well no, actually I am in my mind, but you can't hear it, so it doesn't count.

To my nieces and nephew

My little nephew, T-Dub, turned one yesterday. This got me thinking about how fast time goes by and how my nieces are growing up so fast and how I just want to stop time, but I can't. So instead of trying to acknowledge his birthday in a way that a one year-old couldn't care less about (ie a phone call or a card or yet another toy), I decided to type up my best bits of advice. These apply to both him and my nieces and these are things I've mostly had to learn the hard way. This is long, but here goes . . .

1. Practice maintaining eye contact with people. It makes it seem like you’re really listening to them, even if you’re not. Good eye contact also makes it seem like you’re telling the truth when you’re not.
2. Junior High sucks. Anyone who tells you otherwise is clearly on drugs.
3. High School will most likely suck too. Anyone who tells you otherwise has been out of school long enough to have forgotten. Or they’re on drugs.
4. You don’t have to be what or who people think you are. Create your own expectations.
5. Just because your parents believe something doesn’t mean you have to as well.
6. Read. Well-read people are far more interesting than people who spend their time watching tv.
7. Focus on spirituality instead of religion. Doing so will save your sanity.
8. The world doesn’t revolve around you and while you may be special to your own family, you aren’t special in the big picture that is the rest of the world. This may sound harsh, but once you understand this, it will give you freedom. The world will not come crashing down based upon a choice that you make.
9. People don’t pay attention to you nearly as much as you think they do. Fortunately (or hopefully) this means they won’t remember all the stupid and/or embarrassing things you do.
10. Don’t try to be cool. Just try to be a good person.
11. The ability to carry on a decent conversation with anyone, regardless of how little you have in common, is priceless.
12. Pay attention to grammar and spelling. Even if you drop out of school in the fourth grade, proper grammar and spelling will make it seem as though you have received a good education.
13. Never be afraid to ask for what you want. You won’t always get it, but sometimes you’ll be surprised.
14. Thank you goes a long way. Always, always say thank you to cashiers, waiters, receptionists, etc.
15. Sometimes things don’t go the way you planned. This is a good thing. Much like being well read, life experience makes you a much more interesting person. Whenever things in my life are crazy, I just think about how it will make a great story someday.
16. Learn to take a compliment graciously and even though it’s hard, believe it when people tell you nice things about yourself. Don’t believe it when they say mean things; chances are, the person is just insecure.
17. Be yourself. It is refreshing to be around a person about whom what you see is what you get. Pretending to be something you’re not is exhausting and not worth it. Some people won’t like you for you, but that’s o.k. You don’t have to be best friends with everybody.
18. Always ask yourself “What’s the worst that can happen?” If the answer doesn’t involve jail, death or permanent injury to yourself or another, then do it. It may turn out to have not been the best decision you could have made, but it was your decision and you won’t be left wondering what would have happened.
19. Try not to lose your imagination. Most adults are really boring because they don’t believe in things like fairies and trolls and goblins. Just because a grown up says something isn’t real doesn’t mean you can’t believe in it.
20. The movies are not real life. Don’t believe in Hollywood’s version of anything. Don’t believe in their version of love. Don’t believe in how they tell you that you should look. Certainly don’t follow their example of how to behave. Think of Hollywood like it’s an animal at the zoo. It’s o.k. to look at it through the glass and think wow, that’s kind of cool. Maybe you can even tap on the glass to get the animal to come closer, but you never want to be on the other side because it stinks in there and sometimes animals eat their own pooh. Blindly following Hollywood’s standards is like eating your own pooh. It’s gross; don’t do it.

You make me happy

• Meagan's Bleu Cheese Salad Dressing (1 jar Best Foods mayo, 1 small thingie buttermilk, 1 thing bleu cheese crumbles, 1 tsp. garlic salt, 1 tsp. pepper)
• The British version of Skins. The MTV version sucks.
• Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper
• Italian Sweet Creme coffee creamer over fresh strawberries
• My Kindle
• Free ebooks for my Kindle
• Not having to translate semi-illiterate texts as though they were a foreign language. In case you were wondering, my name is spelled Kimberly, not Kimburley. And if you thought that was bad, let me give you an exact quote from one of dude's texts: "Hears haw it is, plain and simpel." Really? REALLY??? I am obviously not bitter at all!
• A full propane tank
• "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele
• The end of Hollywood's award season. Could the Oscars have been any more boring? (Could I have sounded any more like Chandler when I said that?)
  
• Jimmy Kimmel
• The Cosby Show
• Payday
• Chicken enchiladas
  

Please tell me it gets better.

I broke it off with dude tonight and to say he was pissed is the understatement of the year. I didn't even like the guy and the insults he was hurling my way were completely ridiculous, but it still kinda sucks. I'm tired of being alone, but I also refuse to lower my standards, so I'm kind of at a stalemate here. I'm also pissed off that I feel like something is wrong with me since I'm a couple months away from being 30 and I'm still single. This is not abnormal! The religion I was brought up in has brainwashed me to think (among other things) that there's something wrong with this scenario, but there really isn't! (Yes, I did just state my opinion on the Mormon church in a vague and roundabout way. Sorry if that offends you.) So please . . . tell me it gets better. Tell me that not all guys are jerks and that I will eventually find someone, even though I live in an area where there are more cows than available men. Also, if you could please tell me that I am the better person for not having the last word with this guy, that would really help.

I'm just not that into you.

I would like to apologize in advance-this post is probably going to make me sound like a horrible human being. I have accepted this about myself and, in fact, have come to embrace it. So here goes . . .

Signs that I'm just not that into you:

• I lose my phone or forget it at home a lot. (Yeah right, that thing is practically glued to my thumbs!)
  
• I answer your texts with carefully worded responses that do not require a further response on your part.
  
• I use lots of noncommittal phrases such as "We'll see." and "That's a possibility." My favorite is "We shall see . . . we shall see."
  
• You initiate most of our conversations.
  
• Everything I say is very general and in no way specific to you.
• When you try to hold my hand, I give your hand a little squeeze, then have to dig around in my pockets for something or I suddenly need a sip of my drink.

Reasons why I'm just not that into you:

• You text me stupid questions like "Have ya been thinking about me today?" Um . . . do you really want me to answer that?
  
• Even after I text you carefully worded responses that do not require any further response on your part, you still keep texting me.
  
• You are unable to spell basic words. Now and how are not spelled with an a.
• Your favorite tv show is Two and a Half Men.
  
• You keep offering to buy me things, and that kind of makes me feel like a prostitute.
• Even though you claim you have no problem with gay people, you don't really want any of them around you. Unless, of course, you have been forewarned that there might be homosexuals in the vicinity. Then you're good. It's just when they pop up out of nowhere that it's an issue.
  
• I'm happy for you that you go to the gym almost every night, but I don't really need to hear your gym experience described as including sweat, muscles and panting. That doesn't sound sexy, it sounds gross. And then when you add in throbbing muscles, it just makes me laugh at your attempt at sexy talk.

Reasons why I'm momentarily overlooking all of the previous items:

• I really, really like it when you play with my hair for an hour and a half straight, even though your wrist is quite obviously hurting.
  
• I live in the middle of nowhere in Wyoming; there really isn't much else to do.

update on my downfall

It was brought to my attention that my last post sounded kind of b*tchy. There was actually more to the story that was causing me concern than just that he sent me flowers on Valentine's Day, but tonight I realized that perhaps I'm projecting lingering issues from a past relationship onto this guy, and that's probably not fair. We cleared up some confusion over certain issues and we'll see where things go from here.

my downfall

So I got flowers for Valentine's Day today from this guy who seems to be very nice and at least semi-normal. You would think this would be a good thing, right? It's not. I already felt like this guy was clingy, and now I just plain feel smothered. I think my independent nature is going to be the downfall of my love life. I just really don't feel the need to account for what I'm doing all the time. It's not even in a demanding way, just a hey, whatcha up to kind of a way. And I don't need a good morning text every day. And I don't want to talk about hypothetical future plans with someone I barely know. And I don't need to be repeatedly called gorgeous (or, in his spelling-disabled way, geirgous). And I really don't want to snuggle. I am not a snuggly person. It takes a lot for me to even hug someone and when I do, it's usually a one armed, pat on the back kind of a hug. I've just realized that I'm the guy in this situation, and dude is the stage 5 clinger! Hahahaha!!! O.k., now that's kind of funny! I think I'm going to die alone.

questionnaire

I copied this from another blog and there is no number 29. Maybe this other person didn't like the question or something.


1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have a scar between my thumb and finger on my left hand. When I was 2 or 3 I was trying to cut an orange with a sharp knife and instead stabbed myself.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM A calendar, family photos, a quilt, and a wooden thingy I got in Peru that has necklaces hanging on it.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? If I fall asleep on my back, I snore and I've always talked (and done other things) in my sleep.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? A little bit of everything. The only thing I really don't like is heavy metal.

5. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN? I think it was around 2:30 am.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? Sappy answer-a family. More realistic answer-a chai latte from Starbucks. Most unrealistic answer-a million dollar gift certificate with which to buy books on Amazon.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? My family and dogs. Possibly not in that order! Ooh, and warm weather!

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? I can't think of a most prized possession. I guess if I had to grab one thing if the house was on fire, it would be my laptop because it basically has my life on it, including family photos.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'6"

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? No

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? Yes. This is why I don't watch scary movies. I have a very active imagination.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Oprah and her new sister.

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR? That my parents will become mentally or physically incapacitated and need caretaking. Or that something will happen to my nieces or nephew.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON PEOPLE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO? No preference. My only request would be if the guy has blond hair, that he not grow one of those weird flesh-colored beards. They're creepy.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING? I'm pretty sure I won't be the one doing that.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee.

17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Cheese, cheese and more cheese.

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Thanks to the previous question, I'm now in the mood for pizza.

19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? Purple.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? Um . . . no. Why would I do that?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED? Nothing really comes to mind.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? Try like 50! If we're not including celebrities, then maybe 2ish.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? Yes, my fingertips bend. That is double jointed, right? Or does it just mean I'm freakish?!?

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Old Navy

25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY? No overwhelming preference for either.

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? My dog lives with my parents, so not really. Although if I could steal my neighbor's dog and have them not notice, I would do it in a heartbeat.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT? The dog that lives with my parents is an Australian Shepherd. The neighbor's dog is a Great Dane.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I would probably try really hard not to, but in the end, yes.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED? I don't want to.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Neither.

32. FAVORITE QUOTE?

"I have sought rest everywhere, and have found it nowhere, save in a little corner, with a little book."
-- Thomas à Kempis

33. FAVORITE PLACE? My bed.

peeping tom #2

Peeping Tom!

It was warm (relatively speaking) over the weekend and all the snow slid off the roof. Right outside of the kitchen is where the most snow piles up because two slopes dump their snow right there. Saidy, the neighbor's dog (who Lorri refers to as my child), has taken advantage of this and here is what I discovered when I looked out the kitchen window this afternoon . . .

the big date

So remember how I was complaining because I had a possible date for last Saturday, but I ended up having to work? Well, I found someone else to work, so the date was on. Things didn't really go as I had imagined they would. It turned out to not so much be an actual date as it was this dude was just dropping by to meet me and if I proved to be acceptable, maybe in the future there would be a real date. That was problem number one. Problem number two was that he showed up in coveralls and mud boots and he looked like Grizzly Adams. Problem number three was that we had only slightly more in common than Hitler and Gandhi do. For example, he doesn't watch t.v. Crazy, right?!? I mean really! Really!! We actually ended up talking for about three hours, during which time I learned the following:

• Goats have a really thick skull in front, so when you kill them you have to shoot this one spot on the side where the skull isn't. If you just shoot them straight through the forehead, it'll only stun them and they'll keep popping back up.
• When you are hunting, the meat will taste less "gamey" if you don't run the animal. If you just sneak up on it and shoot it, it won't release hormones and sweat and stuff, which changes the taste.
• You can get some kind of chip or something to make your car have more horsepower. This is a good thing because the more horsepower you have, the more of a man you are.
• UFOs fly around Area 51 all the time and Big Foot is real.
  

I'm sure I learned more, but I'm still processing the whole experience, so I'll have to report back on it later. Oh, and one other thing . . . if you use the phrase "I'm not racist, but . . ." multiple times when referring to different ethnic groups, you might just be racist.

so dramatic

I feel unsettled and anxious. This is not good. When I feel this way I start to think and question things and want to make changes. Nothing good has ever come from a decision I've made while feeling like this. And I don't know why I feel this way. I think it's partly because I have discovered that a relationship is not what I thought it was. And maybe partly because I am finding that I am not willing to do some things that are expected of me. And also a little bit because my work schedule is such that I have far too much alone time.

It is always unsettling when you find out that the relationship you have with someone is possibly not what you thought it was. What makes it really suck is when you find this out through information that wasn't meant for your eyes. This means you can't question the person about it without bringing up the fact that you read something that was supposed to be anonymous. And I'm probably over-analyzing what happened (ha! imagine that!) and taking it the wrong way, but that doesn't change the fact that now I'm wondering if things are not what I think they are with other people as well. Maybe I don't have people figured out quite like I think I do.

Someone has asked, or rather told me, that I need to do certain things, and this person is holding future opportunities over my head if I don't do these things. It's nothing horrible, but it's definitely stuff that I think is unnecessary and I don't want to do it. I think that it will turn me into someone I don't want to be. I have already dabbled in this endeavor and was far from pleased with the outcome.

I work from 4 until midnight, Monday through Friday. My roommate works pretty much the exact opposite shift as I do. We're lucky to see each other for about an hour each day. I know very few people in the area and am not sure how to go about meeting people, given the hours that I am available during the day. This means I spend all day by myself. It's never good to have that much time on your own. Or at least for me it's not. Normally I would have the weekends to go do things, but it seems like we're always short staffed, so I end up working part of the weekend. And my roommate has her daughter, who is disabled, at the house most weekends, which I love, but it also means we don't really go anywhere. And I think people here are all kind of in hibernation for the winter. Everything closes earlier in the winter and it's dark and cold and snowy, so really, why would you even want to leave the house? So I guess the rambling of this paragraph can be summed up by saying I'm a wee bit lonely.

Alright, so there's my little pity party, written out for everyone to read. I'm going to try to go ahead and get over myself now. :)

some stuff and some grrrrs

• My friend, Emily, came up for the weekend and we spent most of the time up in Jackson, seeing as how there's pretty much nothing to do where I live. Jackson was fun, though. We ate some good food and did some good shopping. At one store we did both. There's this cool new place called Vom Fass that sells flavored vinegars, oils, and spices. Jars with spigots line the walls, and you can taste whatever you want in cute little miniature Asian soup spoons. I bought several vinegars and have spent the last couple days dipping lettuce leaves in vinegar. It makes me feel very cool to have specialty vinegars. It's the little things.
• I just colored my hair again. The color I used is Chocolate Cherry, which sounds like an African-American-themed porn to me. Bow chicka bow wow!
  
• I'm getting a little tired of picking up extra shifts at work. I had a date tentatively lined up for Saturday, but because we are neverendingly short staffed, guess who has to work on Saturday! My boss keeps saying we have to make do until we can find a new employee. I didn't realize that making do was secret code for "You are a peon and as such, you have to work everything that no one else will work, which, by the way, is everything involving a weekend. So pretty much say good-bye to any little shred of hope you had left of having a social life." At least I'm the lead peon, though, right?!? I can't decide if that makes it better or worse. Oh, and all of those people in my company who complain all the time about wanting extra hours, but then will never work extra hours if it's a weekend, are little bitches. (I would apologize for the unladylike language, but I feel no remorse whatsoever.)
  
• I'm off the meat again. I am now taking spirulina for protein. It's algae and it's 60-70% protein, verses the 22% protein content in meat. It comes in powder form and is a gorgeous dark green color. Unfortunately it smells like pond scum. Fortunately, it doesn't taste like pond scum if you add it to carrot juice or Vitamin Water. Unfortunately, it does taste like pond scum if you burp within a couple hours of drinking it.
• I swore I would never be the kind of person that wears Uggs. They're far too trendy and really, they're pretty unattractive. I've been sucked into their web of fugly comfiness, though, and they're all I wear now. My reasoning for succumbing is threefold: 1. They're really comfy, obvs. 2. They're really warm, which is of the utmost importance, here in the frozen tundra of Wyoming. 3. If I wear them under my pant legs instead of having the pants tucked into them, then you can't really see them. Oh wait, there are actually four reasons: 4. As long as I don't wear them with cut-off jean shorts to the gas station to buy Cheetos (with my nasty weave showing, btw), then I feel as though I'm rocking a much classier Ugg-look than Britney Spears, which is who I think of when I think of Uggs.
• I got an AeroGarden for Christmas. I like it a lot. I want like five more of them with which to grow other things since the growing season in Wyoming is about 3 days long.