Wednesday, October 14, 2015


I haven't been sleeping much lately, which means that I consume excess amounts of caffeine during the day, which perpetuates the vicious cycle.  Lucky for you, my insomnia means you get another post!  It's a Halloween miracle! 
  • I'm developing a serious addiction to first aid supplies.  Walgreens is my new happy place.  Also, and this is hypothetical and NOT AT ALL REAL LIFE, doctors should be aware that when patients are left alone in a room, cabinets will be looked in.  And, still hypothetically speaking, if you leave fun stuff in said cupboards, it may not be there later.  
  • I want to make it clear that in yesterday's post, nothing was left to my parents because obviously they died from hantavirus too.
  • I also want to make it very clear to my brothers that in that situation, I still want my share of mom and dad's money.  It will be put into a trust that I will leave very specific instructions for.
  • And just so everyone knows, I want to be cremated and I don't want a funeral, I want a festival.  A festival of joy and light!  And my favorite foods!  And other stuff!  
    • There should be a tattoo booth providing triple spiral tattoos (my tattoo) to everyone who wants one.  Obviously everyone can choose if they want one or not, but the following people have to get one:  Amber, Myrissa, Becca, Casie, Bree, Taryn, Lorri, Bonnie, Jeff and Mark.
    • I want my uncle Jeff to officiate at the festivities.
    • There should totally be a sweat lodge.
    • And a cotton candy machine.
    • Ryan Burns will perform an original rap that includes the phrase "get gettin'."
    • Everyone should receive a commemorative gift bag containing either a dog or a cat from the animal shelter.  
    • My nieces will perform an interpretive dance to Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes."
    • Other details will be provided at a later date.
  • I spent the entire day today stressing about people I left out of yesterday's list.  This is where the trust comes into play...there are experiences I want to leave to certain people, not belongings.  For example, my cousin Erin will be sent on the New Kids on the Block cruise and my friend Ginny will be provided with a year's worth of eyebrow waxing.  And a new pair of shoes.
  • I got to spend quality time with my bff Amber tonight.  We met at work years ago.  She trained me and only liked me because her enemy didn't like me.  Oh, and she thought I was a lesbian.  
  • It's curious how many people either don't like me or don't know what to make of me when we first meet.  It may be due to my lack of a filter.  And my snarkiness.  But in the end, they usually come around.  Ginny can verify this.
  • If you have spent any time around me in the last few months, you know that I'm obsessed with the Adnan Syed case.  In fact, if you've spent any time around me in the last few months, I've probably tried to order you to listen to the Serial podcast so that you will also become obsessed.  Sadly, no one has reached my level of obsession and I hate that I have no one to discuss details with, especially now that I have almost the entire case file.  For the record:
    • I don't think he did it.
    • I think Don did.
    • Avoid the Baltimore PD at all costs because weird things happen there.
    • My aunt and uncle used to live in the same area that all of the events took place.
    • I plan on visiting them and visiting all related sites.  Except Leakin Park.  That place freaks me out.  Actually, I really want to go to Leakin Park but someone will need to hold my hand the entire time we're there and then sit with me until I fall asleep that night so that I don't get scared because DEAD BODIES!
    • When I die from hantavirus I plan on finding out exactly what happened that day and as God is my witness, I will find a way to communicate my findings from the other side.  
  • If you have listened to Serial and enjoyed it and also have an obsessive personality like I do, you should check out the multiple subreddits about the case, as well as the Undisclosed, Serial Dynasty, Serially Obsessed, Crime Writers on Serial and Slate's Serial discussion podcasts.  
  • Sometimes I listen to old episodes of Undisclosed and Serial as I fall asleep.  Sarah Koenig and Rabia Chaudry have very soothing voices.  In fact, I think I'm going to put one on right now!  G'night, y'all!!

P.S. I know some of you are super bummed that I didn't leave you something or that the only thing I left you were items I originally pilfered from you and am now letting you have back.  Get over it!  I'm not dead yet...there's still time for me to leave you something, and once again, due to my obsessive personality, I've spent far too much time coming up with a new list.

P.P.S.  My apologies to Mark and Jessie, but upon further reflection, I've decided not to leave them my witch hand after all.  I now want my witch hand to be given to Brooklyn.  I think she'll appreciate it as much as I do.


Anonymous said...

This is Erin.......

Sweet!! Unless of course they are dead from the virus too........but I only care about Jordan...

Anonymous said...

I must tell you that Adnan did it for sure. Please come back to CA soon so we can discuss this Urgent Matter ASAP. This is Emily, Melissa's sister.