It's a sick and twisted place.

Here are some of the things that go through my mind on a regular basis:

• No, I can't follow (famous person) on Twitter because if we ever meet and become friends, I don't want him/her to think I've been stalking him/her.  
• I should sell all of my belongings and become a wandering gypsy.
• I should find a job where I can work from home so that my transition to being a hermit will be complete.
• I so don't like people.
• I need to be more sociable.
• Dude.
• What if all of the lies I've told suddenly came true?  
• How long can I go without doing laundry before I run out of clean underwear?
• I wonder if someone's peeping in the window at me.
• What the hell is the matter with you?  (This could be referring to myself or others.)
• Put down the book!  You do not need to buy any more books!
• Where is Veronica Mars when you need her?  
• That is the most obnoxious child I have ever seen in my life.
• I've got them so fooled.  If they only knew . . .  
• You're a moron.
• Really?
• I really need to take the trash out.  Eh, I'll do it later.
• I really need to shave my legs.  Eh, I'll do it later.
• I'd do him.