Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Oh, how I've missed you!

Lorri and I went to a CA meeting tonight and I'm ashamed to admit it's the first meeting I've been to in probably three years or so. It was a little weird at first, but when people started sharing, it felt like home. One of the first people to speak mentioned how we were in a room full of "black sheep" and I loved that. As an addict, I tend to believe that I'm somehow different than everyone else. Not necessarily better, but just different. Tonight I realized how true that is; I am different . . . from all of the rest of you. Thankfully, while I may be different, I'm not alone in my differentlyabledness (yes, I know that's not a word, but I like it anyway!) It was such a comforting feeling to be around people who are just like me and who have the same messed up thinking as myself. I've been around BYU people for so long, and don't get me wrong, they're great people, but they're not MY people. I always feel like I'm holding something back around them. For example, when people ask me what I was doing before I went back to school, I'm never quite sure what to say. If someone from the program asks me that question, I can say, proudly, that I went to rehab. Proudly, because to them it means I was getting clean, whereas to someone who isn't an addict, it just shouts out that I'm an addict, and there are a whole lot of preconceived notions that come with that. It was also interesting to see all of the people who are new in recovery and remember when that was me. Back then meetings were a novelty and more of a social event. Now I actually listen to the people who are sharing and really appreciate what they have to say. It really makes me want to be a sponsor again. I have the time and I've worked the steps, but I haven't worked a program for years, and I really need to get back to doing that. Anyway, I just wanted to share how encouraging this meeting was and how great it made me feel. Most of you probably have no idea what I'm talking about, but that's o.k. Frankly, I hope you never know what I'm talking about. But for those of you who know what I'm talking about, hopefully you can relate and share in my happiness a little bit.


lorri801 said...

All I have to say is AMEN! The black sheep thing...the "these are my people" part...the back in the day social aspect...just AMEN to all of it. We've said this a million times...if ya haven't lived it and been through it...ya just aren't gonna get it. SO glad we went. Seeing Dustin was a great bonus as well!

Traci said...

I'm glad you had a good experience. Love ya.