Saturday, November 1, 2008

Saw funnies

I saw the original Saw movie back in the day, but since they've been coming out like three a year and we're on about Saw 36, I've lost interest. Apparently Dave White from MSNBC agrees with me. He wrote a Dear John letter to the Saw franchise and it made me laugh out loud (although in my sickly and weakened state, it probably sounded more like a seal barking than a laugh). Here's a snippet:

Dear “Saw,”

This letter has been a long time coming. I just didn’t know how to put my feelings into words. But now I can say it: We’re through. Forgive my blunt words, “Saw,” but we’re breaking up for good. And not to make you feel bad or anything, but it’s not me. It’s you.

I guess you’re probably thinking that if I really understood you I’d have tarted up my words for you somehow and left you a cryptic note where I half-explained my unhappiness. Then I would have stuck that note inside an envelope that was also holding a key to a box. And that box would have been buried under a pit of deadly radioactive scorpions. That box would have contained your left lung, which I would have removed while you were under sedation. And I would have also filled your right lung with cherry-flavored Kool-Aid while simultaneously attaching a model train set to your skull. And then I would have outfitted the engine with little tiny rocket launchers that would set your entire face on fire. And you would have had 10 seconds to decide if knowing my true feelings were more important than having nuclear scorpions gnawing on you or having your nose melted off. I guess that would have been more archly poetic.

To read the rest click here.

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